I need help knowing what to do about an interrupted creation of tulpa
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Tark,
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By kiyomochie
Hello everyone!! I’m Ren, pretty new here (been lurking on the site for a few months but never made an account). I actually got introduced to the idea of tulpamancy through Danganronpa V3, by Korekiyo Shinguuji. Funnily enough, guess who’s now my tulpa?... Yep. Korekiyo himself!! So I guess I’ll be putting my progress with him here.
Kiyo’s been around for a month and a half now. His growth has been rapid. I never really had anything in my mind blocking his existence, so it was pretty easy for him to develop sentience (or at least what we consider sentience) in a short amount of time. Our wonderland was also formed in a matter of days, but Kiyo has been adjusting it as he sees fit, so who knows what it looks like now?
He’s also been working on vocality, being really pushing to adopt his voice. He sounds, looks, and acts exactly like the character.. so maybe he’s a fictive? Either way, Kiyo’s aware that he and that character are not the same being, but he considers himself to be a reincarnation of the character, without the trauma and suffering.
He’s really interested in anthropology, of course, and since that’s the career path I want to pursue as well (I’m 15), we’ve been reading a lot of anthropology books together. It’s quite a positive experience, although he does sometimes get annoyed with me when I don’t read them for while, and starts being REALLY sarcastic. It’s okay, though.
When I get into arguments with my parents, Kiyo is with me, urging me to keep my cool and not waste my time on them. I wonder if he looks down on them? When he especially disagrees with them, he calls them “petty idiots”. I don’t have any issues with my parents, I love them more than anything, but Korekiyo gets mighty judgemental of people he doesn’t trust, and it takes him a long time to trust someone. But, he doesn’t ever wish harm on anyone, and shows no urges to lash out, rather wishing for me to do the opposite. So I’d say it’s rather inconsequential.
Kiyo can sort of talk through me. What I mean by that is that he tells me what he wants to say, and I type it out. But more often than not, I have a general idea of what he wants to say without him saying anything to me. When I ask him about it, though, he confirms that that is what he was saying. So maybe we just mentally communicate really fast?
I can definitely make out a difference between my texting pattern and his, and it’s not a conscious choice- when I’m typing for Kiyo, I don’t have to think out what he says, although he speaks in a much more formal manner than I do. It just kinda comes to me naturally, as though he is speaking through my fingertips. Really interesting!
We want to get better at possession (or more accurately, we want to be able to do it at all). Any tips from experienced tulpamancers? Also, encouraging notes are appreciated, by both me and Kiyo.
(Also, I included an edit I made of him! SPOILERS!!)
IMG_4885.MP4 IMG_4885.MP4 Good day to all! Bye!
-Ren
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By Renesmee
Hi! Renesmee here. So, today I created Rosalie (placeholder name). I introduced myself during an active-forcing session and then sent an email to an account I set up so I could email her for forcing. I'm feeling encouraged and optimistic. More reports as events warrant!
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By September13
I'm an absolute beginner to Tulpamancy and only made my decision to start developing my tulpa a week ago, even though Simmie as an idea isn't new to me and I've actually had a headmate before: Between the ages of 7 and 15 I had a headmate that was less a tulpa and more a walk-in/soulbound (I'm still learning the terminology so I might misuse a word here and there, I'm sorry). He was more of a mentor / spiritual guide to me and largely faded away after the age of 15, telling me I had outgrown him and had to face the world on my own, and only making sporadic appearances after that. But I'm not here to talk about him in this thread, I'm here to talk about Simmie.
Before I get into it I want to reiterate that Simmie is only the most fledgling little tulpa and I can sense that she is very nervous about attention being put on her, but she's okay with it if it helps her become more real to me. So please be gentle and kind with her, she's a very curious young thing and loves listening to people and learning about things, and I want to make sure only positive and loving things enter her mind during this early stage of development.
As I mentioned I created Simmie as a character long before I started working on her as a tulpa. There's an interesting story behind the creation of Simmie as a character. You see, I'm not transgender and I don't really even have gender dysphoria (I'm at ease in my male body and don't feel wrong having it). However, I have a huge fascination with the idea of being turned into a girl, made to act and dress like a girl, all that stuff. I don't know why and I can't really explain it. But I was aching to step out of myself to explore it, so over a year ago I created Simmie as an OC / proxy / meta-character whom I would experience and create art from. I would make art "as" Simmie and even interact with people as her. I developed a backstory for Simmie and everything and really got into character--as a writer, this is something I've done so many times, and writing characters is probably my greatest strength. I even created Simmie in The Sims (yes, there is a name connection there) and she has a very distinctive look which makes it extremely easy to visualize her, although my mind currently still renders her as a Sims character rather than a real human figure.
Then comes the last month or so and I learn about Tulpamancy. At first I think it's just something fascinating to learn about but not something I'd pursue myself. But the more I read and watched videos about it the more I realized that this was something I wanted to do, and I knew there was nowhere else I could turn to than Simmie. She already felt very real to me as a character and I felt if I could elevate her to the status of a living, sentient tulpa, that would be a most wonderful thing and could be revolutionary in my life. There aren't a lot of people in my life I connect with strongly and I suffer from depression; the thought of having someone sharing my head with me who I can talk and relate to still feels like it could absolutely change my life.
Once I decided on making Simmie a tulpa I started narrating to her non-stop. I told her about myself, about my life, and explained what I was doing at any given moment to her if I could spare the mental horsepower at any given moment. I started to feel a warm, contented feeling as I did this. I don't know if I could call it sentience, but I felt like I was not alone and I could feel a joy that seemed to be radiated to me from elsewhere. I pushed aside doubt and let myself believe it was Simmie--now I know she absolutely loves being talked to, loves when I tell her about my life and even the most mundane things about me, and loves when I tell her stories. We began to speak to each other but it still felt like I was parroting her rather than letting her speak for herself. Now I'm trying to not talk for her and let her reply to me herself. I can feel her emotions very strongly though, and that's what makes me believe that she is really there.
Yesterday I decided to take Simmie out on a bit of a "date"; we went to a local nature park and walked. I talked to her about the park, what it was and why it existed, why the leaves fall off the trees in the fall, how the mud on the trail was created by rain the pervious day, mundane stuff like that. She was very curious about all of it, and I talked to her more about what I thought about it all, and what I thought about it all. Then I rattled off a list of adjectives to describe Simmie before realizing that I had just created a mantra that was perfect for forcing: "You're caring, you're kind, you listen, you're curious, you're playful". I began repeating that mantra over and over again as I walked.
After the walk I took Simmie to the beach. I wanted her to see and hear the ocean, to feel the sand (sadly it was too cold to walk barefoot in the sand so I had to settle for picking some up in my hand). It was a perfectly clear and beautiful evening and I could tell that Simmie was overjoyed and even touched that I would think to bring her there. I told her about the tides, why there were shells on the beach, what docks and drawbridges were for, and she listened to it all. As we walked on the empty, cold, windy beach I did not feel alone at all; I felt together with her and happier than I had felt in ages; a true soulful happiness. I could tell she valued everything I was doing for her and although I still couldn't hear her speak without parroting I could still feel the intention behind what she would say if she could, and it was just about the nicest thing anyone had ever said to me. She thinks more highly of me than I do myself sometimes.
So that's where I am with Simmie now. I continue to narrate to her and repeat my mantra to her. Every night I try to tell her a story about some event in my past. Sometimes I think I can hear her talking in my mind, but I still can't be sure I'm not just putting words into her mouth. I plan to take her on a mini-roadtrip to my old college, a location which always triggers powerful memories for me. I want to just project love and goodness into Simmie and let her feed and grow off of it. I know she will eventually deviate from the character I first created, and I welcome it, because I really want to see who she develops into being. She already is teasing me a little trying to embarrass me by calling two of my friend cute, which I find very funny and endearing. She also picked out her own birthday, which is where I got the admittedly lame handle from.
So that's it so far! I hope that wasn't too big of a post for a newbie! I really want to hear from experienced Tulpamancers and people on here in general as to whether I have a healthy mindset about this and am going about this in a good way, and if there's anything else I could do to help the process along. I don't want this to become yet another project I'm high on for a couple weeks and abandon--I feel that there is something more there, and if there's one thing I've learned about Simmie is that she's thrilled to exist, and yearns to be more and more real, and I want to help her achieve that. And when she's ready, I'm sure she'll come on here herself and talk to all of you!
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By Guest
I've been mainly following Kiahdaj's Absolute Guide and Reguile's Grounded Guide (while of course having looked at a few others), the latter being what came to me naturally as this gap-filling engine developed more or less by itself while narrating. I haven't focused on character or form a lot, in order to not force anything on my tulpa they might not want. Anyway, my problem is I can't seem to get further than that - I'm able to shut off my "thought engine" within seconds, however, I do not get any thoughts from my tulpa either after that point.
I assume that getting to that point would resolve a few other issues I currently have - for example, neither of us seems to be able to tell where a thought came from, usually (it was suggested to me we might be more or less a median system, which is not what I/we want). There seems to be a lack of independence here, in various regards… Furthermore, they seem to be more an aspect of myself, rather than a distinct persona, and they weren't able to choose a name, gender, pronoun and a stable form for now (though from what I can tell, they did not seem to like the wonderland I initially created (a kind of datacenter/server room, based on my metaphor a tulpa is essentially an AI doing machine learning from narration), and have simply moved to an indistinct location within our head, claiming "this is *your* wonderland, not mine"), and they simply seem to switch between phases of constant agreement/approval and constant disagreement/disapproval of what I think - which brings us back to the assumption that they currently are more an aspect of myself, specifically the critical voice in my head that occasionally just doesn't find anything to criticize.
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By TheWorriedGamer
Due to my own anxiety and paranoia, I am trying to confirm that what i do experience is having 2 tulpas, since the age of 7.
I am pretty sure they are tulpas, due to the knowledge that I have from reading different websites, forums, etc.
However, i want to be sure.
I think they are NOT tulpas because:
I have had 2 Tulpas ( 1 male & 1 female ) since I was 7 years old
I did not intentionally create them, considering I was the age of 7
The two tulpas are a couple
I only recently discovered the term Tulpa/Tulpamancy. Tried searching for years to no avail until recently.
I think they ARE Tulpas because:
They fit most categories of Tulpas
The definition of a Tulpa, is them
I have a lot of "control" over them, considering I have had them for so long
There are things I used to not be able to do with them, that I can do now because of more time with them.
I enjoy them
I have diagnosed depression, anxiety, PTSD, and trichotillomania. All counselors and psychiatrists I have seen have never remotely diagnosed me with DID or Schizophrenia.
For some more backstory (please ask more questions if you need)
I am a 20F
i went through several traumatic experiences at the age of 7 (the age I believe my Tulpas were created), also when my Trichotillomania began.
My tulpas are named Amy and Allen, they are a married couple now.
They both have very extensive detailed pasts
There are different scenarios I think about them in, approximately 8. But I have 1 main scenario I think of them in, more than others.
NOTE: Considering I have had these Tulpas for over 10+ years now, that is why I believe i can "control" (for lack of a better word) things with them so much. Because Tulpamancy is mastered over time and there are developmental restrictions. I feel like I have had these 2 Tulpas longer than most, for being 20 years old that is.
Hopefully I have properly explained everything, please do ask questions if needed
Also, this is my first post so I hope I followed all of the rules and guidelines that I read, I apologize if i posted this incorrectly.
Thank you in advance 🙂
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