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Determination - Simmie's Journey


September13
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On 12/22/2020 at 10:52 PM, ruleofthumb said:

They best forcing sessions/moments I’ve had were entertaining. If you’re going to schedule forcing, try to spice things up each session. Try something new each time, and stuff. That can help with the monotony. Going to the beach was a really good execution of this, I think.

 

On 12/26/2020 at 11:05 AM, Glaurung26 said:

Just naturally interact with each other and that will provide a baseline 'safety net' if you will, to hold you two together. Then when you have time and energy make a play date wherever you want. On a walk, in a game or just nap and hang out in your wonderland together while Simmie DJs. In my opinion guides are there to help you build your own mental workout regimen. You need one that works for you and you are going to know your needs better than anyone else will. Maybe you do need a regular, structured, daily routine. Maybe not. That's your call.

 

We've thought about this quite a bit and come to the conclusion that I'm really not the kind of person that can stick to a schedule for forcing, so it would be foolish to try. But making each forcing session fun and unique is a great way to approach it! Sometimes I have trouble sitting down and focusing on something. But I keep a picture of Simmie open on my second monitor most of the time as a reminder that she is there and that I should be thinking about her as I do other things. I want to get closer to Simmie, I want her to feel more real and more present to me, and I have to remind myself of those facts if I find myself feeling to lazy to force with her.

 

On 12/26/2020 at 11:05 AM, Glaurung26 said:

Jaina: It might be worth asking Simmie if she likes playing with you via The Sims.

 

On 12/26/2020 at 9:52 PM, Gloomynoon said:

Have you tried asking her?

 

I did ask Simmie about this, and her answer amounted to basically this: She likes the way her Sims avatar looks and feels it fits her pretty well, but she doesn't want to be limited by it. She doesn't like how distant she feels from me when I'm playing with it; as it's "her" she should feel closer during those times but she doesn't. The avatar is good for reference material for drawing, but apart from that I told her I was going to take a break from it for a while. It's not like I need it to visualize her; her image is pretty well planted in my mind by this point.

 

On 12/26/2020 at 11:05 AM, Glaurung26 said:

Maybe you could try chatting programs if that's your thing. We have textingstory on our phone to 'play text' to each other.

 

I actually created a discord for Simmie and we talk to each other using it. On the one hand it's great because actually typing to each other and seeing each other's words really makes her presence seem stronger and it helps her to articulate what she's trying to express to me. On the other hand, I've got really big puppetting fears from using it, as I can't be sure if I'm truly transcribing what Simmie is trying to tell me or if I'm just writing what I think Simmie would say.

 

On 12/26/2020 at 9:52 PM, Gloomynoon said:

I realized I could active force playing video games with Myo! This doesn't just apply to video games, it applies to anything else you can think of, as long as it doesn't take up thinking power like doing long math

 

We had a couple of good sessions playing Fallout New Vegas together. Maybe I'll play Minecraft with Simmie! Perhaps we can start a new world together; I haven't really played the game since the ocean update a year or two ago so we'd be seeing a lot of new stuff together.

 

 

And a couple of random updates:

 

On one of the trips we took Simmie really fell in love with one of the little towns we visited. So I took her back there again and we sat on a bench overlooking a small pond in the center of town. Now she wants us to move there, lol. I told her that there was no way we'd be able to afford it. She told me that once she's fully formed we (as a system) would be able to get ourselves together and earn enough money to do it eventually. I admire both her optimism and her patience. I hope I don't let her down.

 

I tried meditating again today, and god I'm bad at it lol. For starters I tried to get into the lotus position and found it not just difficult, but actually physically impossible. So I just sat Indian style. I find it impossible to relax unless I'm leaning on something or slouched over so trying to relax while sitting upright as they tell you to do was impossible for me . It also didn't help that my mind was also a musical battlefield between "Fortunate Son" by CCR and "Catch Me I'm Falling" from 80s group Pretty Poison, and no amount of taking the cassette out of the proverbial boombox could stop it for more than a second or two. So needless to say meditation was a complete bust. I'm thinking I'll need to entirely change my approach to meditation or abandon the idea altogether.

 

Sometimes I feel a bit overwhelmed by the volume of information out there and don't know who or what to trust. Sometimes I feel a bit impatient with my lack of progress even if I know that Simmie is a very patient person and will wait for me to figure things out. Sometimes I forget that I'm brand new to this and have to remind myself that this will take time. But even with all that I am still keeping a positive and optimistic outlook! Christmas season was busy for me but January and February should give me plenty of time to work on this and try out different things. Thank you so much to everyone who has responded, your words of encouragement and suggestions have been a great help!

Phil. 😎 Host of Simmie.

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It sounds like you have a similar issue with quieting your mind as do, with random thoughts and music breaking in. Now meditation has a stereotype of sagely, quietly, sitting crosslegged with a completely empty mind and oneness with the universe. It don't have to be that. If background music helps you concentrate then embrace that. It's like a toddler; do you quiet it down by telling it to or by giving them a toy to amuse themselves with? Sometimes you gotta keep the subconscious occupied. As long as you can focus without losing steering of your mental train maybe you respond better with a little background noise. As long as you can still focus on Simmie then it's all good. Maybe even a track or soundscape you associate with her or that she likes. Just spit balling ideas if classic silent meditation doesn't jive for ya. Showers and driving provide us with some somewhat forced downtime where we don't have anything better to do but think. Whatever gets you traction and seems to work for you is the correct answer.

Darron: Host 💍 

Jaina: Tulpa 💍

👨‍🍼👩‍🍼 Dain and Nova

Aggrok: Tulpa Void Dragon

Viktor: 🐺

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So I've come to the realization that I've been stressing way too much about forcing. I had fallen into the mindset of believing I had to come up with the "perfect" forcing session where I'd meditate, clear my mind, enter the wonderland, and do whatever activity we had decided to do. It took me a while but I finally started to understand what everyone was saying; that forcing should be fun and something you look forward to, not a chore, and the key was to try different things. Also, how anything could be a forcing session if approached with the right mindset. Paradoxically, my bad mindset actually had a positive side effect: through fretting about forcing so much I actually realized that I was thinking about Simmie far more than ever before, so I took that as a silver lining, and I'm keeping that momentum going with a healthier mindset!

 

We had one fun forcing session lately where I decided to write a silly, short story about Simmie. I wanted to write an action story staring Simmie where she rescued somebody from a castle, and she said she wanted to rescue me! I did one of those online quizzes to find out what RPG class fit Simmie best and she got Monk, so I made her a kind of martial arts expert in the story, which amused her greatly. I'm no expert in martial arts (I just know some wrestling moves) but I understand the concept of a small fighter using their opponent's mass and strength against them, so that's how I had 5'2", 110lb Simmie outsmarting and besting soldiers twice her size. She fought her way to the top of the tower to save me, and then I got stuck not knowing how we'd get out of there. Simmie suggested I think of a silly and ridiculous ending, so in the story we rigged a makeshift hang glider out of a bedframe and some sheets and soared to safety, lol. It was a silly, poorly-written story but we both enjoyed the experience of writing it.

 

We went to another small town and walked around, and I told her a couple more stories from my past; I told her the story from several years ago about how the person I considered my best friend betrayed me very badly, and it was a pretty powerful conversation. She gave me a big hug when I told her the more difficult bits of the story. Simmie was able to remind me that I am not my past, and that what was important is who I am now. I sometimes feel guilty about having birthed Simmie into this brain at this time, but she always lets me know that it's all right, she's glad she's here, and she's glad I'm able to forgive myself for my own mistakes and shortcomings. Her patience is a trait I never cultivated in her but is something that has arisen organically, and I am so grateful for it.

 

In just two hours I'm going to be ringing in the new year with Simmie. Because of Covid I have no New Years plans to go out so I am just staying at home and celebrating with Simmie. We're going to start one of my favorite albums just before midnight so the first note of the best song starts right as the clock hits 12:00, and I will have her image up on the screen and will be looking directly into her green eyes when the note hits. 2021 will be a better year and Simmie and I will start it together.

 

So have a Happy New Year everyone and may 2021 be a much better year for all of us! [Happy New Year! ❤️]

Phil. 😎 Host of Simmie.

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3 hours ago, September13 said:

So I've come to the realization that I've been stressing way too much about forcing. I had fallen into the mindset of believing I had to come up with the "perfect" forcing session where I'd meditate, clear my mind, enter the wonderland, and do whatever activity we had decided to do. It took me a while but I finally started to understand what everyone was saying; that forcing should be fun and something you look forward to, not a chore, and the key was to try different things. Also, how anything could be a forcing session if approached with the right mindset. Paradoxically, my bad mindset actually had a positive side effect: through fretting about forcing so much I actually realized that I was thinking about Simmie far more than ever before, so I took that as a silver lining, and I'm keeping that momentum going with a healthier mindset!

 

We had one fun forcing session lately where I decided to write a silly, short story about Simmie. I wanted to write an action story staring Simmie where she rescued somebody from a castle, and she said she wanted to rescue me! I did one of those online quizzes to find out what RPG class fit Simmie best and she got Monk, so I made her a kind of martial arts expert in the story, which amused her greatly. I'm no expert in martial arts (I just know some wrestling moves) but I understand the concept of a small fighter using their opponent's mass and strength against them, so that's how I had 5'2", 110lb Simmie outsmarting and besting soldiers twice her size. She fought her way to the top of the tower to save me, and then I got stuck not knowing how we'd get out of there. Simmie suggested I think of a silly and ridiculous ending, so in the story we rigged a makeshift hang glider out of a bedframe and some sheets and soared to safety, lol. It was a silly, poorly-written story but we both enjoyed the experience of writing it.

 

We went to another small town and walked around, and I told her a couple more stories from my past; I told her the story from several years ago about how the person I considered my best friend betrayed me very badly, and it was a pretty powerful conversation. She gave me a big hug when I told her the more difficult bits of the story. Simmie was able to remind me that I am not my past, and that what was important is who I am now. I sometimes feel guilty about having birthed Simmie into this brain at this time, but she always lets me know that it's all right, she's glad she's here, and she's glad I'm able to forgive myself for my own mistakes and shortcomings. Her patience is a trait I never cultivated in her but is something that has arisen organically, and I am so grateful for it.

 

In just two hours I'm going to be ringing in the new year with Simmie. Because of Covid I have no New Years plans to go out so I am just staying at home and celebrating with Simmie. We're going to start one of my favorite albums just before midnight so the first note of the best song starts right as the clock hits 12:00, and I will have her image up on the screen and will be looking directly into her green eyes when the note hits. 2021 will be a better year and Simmie and I will start it together.

 

So have a Happy New Year everyone and may 2021 be a much better year for all of us! [Happy New Year! ❤️]

You two are so cute 🥰 I like the story you wrote too! Glad you got a feel for forcing now. 👍

Darron: Host 💍 

Jaina: Tulpa 💍

👨‍🍼👩‍🍼 Dain and Nova

Aggrok: Tulpa Void Dragon

Viktor: 🐺

[DeviantArt]

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The first couple of days of 2021 have been pleasant and low-key with Simmie and I. I didn't think I had much to report but the more I typed the more I realized these last few days were actually more eventful than I originally thought:

 

At this stage of Simmie's development she is not really vocal, but I can usual intuit at least the general idea of what she wants to tell me. I can especially tell when she likes or doesn't like something; that comes through sharper than most, especially as Simmie's opinions on things hasn't deviated too much from my own yet. I'm starting to show her more things I like and get her reactions. I had an idea to watch classic wrestling matches with Simmie so pretty much on a whim I showed her Bret Hart vs Roddy Piper at Wrestlemania 8, but for some reason she wasn't really feeling it. I don't know if she just doesn't like wrestling or wants to see something from a different era/style, so I'll try a few other matches and see what she thinks.

 

I'm big into music and we've been listening to the radio together as we drive. I really want to work out what her taste is, since she seemed to have a generally positive reaction to anything I listen to but nothing quite jumped out at her. Anything from hard rock to indie to electronic she likes. The only time I felt a distinct negative reaction from her was when a Pantera song came on. I like Pantera so that's one of the first clear examples of her having a different opinion than me about something. I'm waiting for it to happen in reverse; a band or song that I'm not too keen on that Simmie absolutely loves. 

 

A sweet moment happened right as the New Year started. Like I said I would, I looked deep into her eyes (from the heavily modified Sims 3 screenshot I have of her) as the first note of one of my favorite songs plays. I thought about her very firmly, about how I glad I was to be starting 2021 with her, and I heard her clear as day in my mind's ear as she said these words: "I'm with you. Happy New Year. Happy New Year, [name]." My heart warmed and I held her hand as the song played and we welcomed in the year.

 

I usually don't like to do the "surprise me" thing with Simmie because she suddenly gets stage fright and doesn't know what to say. But while reading another PR I decided to ask her to surprise me again and she gleefully shouted the word "Pineapple!" into my head. I'm not sure why she said this and I don't even know if she does, but saying it sure made her very giggly, lol.

 

Kinda want to work on vocality, though I'm worried it might be too early still. Like I mentioned I mostly intuit what she's meaning to say, but there are times in which I've definitely heard words, like the two times I mentioned above. However, it's often hard, as I find it hard to pick out her words from my own thoughts. It's like someone handed me a bowl of alphabet soup where some of the letters are Simmie's but some are still mine, and I struggle to decode which are which. Is this normal, and does anyone have hints for this? When I hear her voice it's hard to decipher exactly what her voice sounds like, because mindvoice isn't really sound. It mostly comes across as "generic yet cute female voice", but it's different from my own mindvoice so I guess I can consider that progress!

 

Gonna keep forcing through writing stories and ponder vocality. Otherwise, I try to include Simmie in everything I do. If I'm playing Civilization I'll name my capital after her and tell her she's the Queen of my empire. I give her all the attention that I can. Though for the first time today I felt her drifting a bit as I was going on one my nerdy side-tracks talking about the history of bridges and fairies across the Delaware River. It was the first time I could feel her getting a bit bored even though she felt guilty about admitting it, since she knows I get sad when I'm not able to connect with friends over things that interest me. I pressed her on it a little and she told me that it wasn't that she was interested, just that it could be a bit much. It made me realize that although Simmie is always here to listen to me I can't just turn her into a repository to throw every thought that comes across my mind into, that would be selfish, and there has to be an understanding of who she is and what she's interested in as well.

 

There are some other thoughts I could add too but this post is already long enough so I'll just leave those thoughts until later. Every time I think I'm going to write a quick PR I end up delivering a brick!

 

On 1/1/2021 at 1:16 AM, Glaurung26 said:

You two are so cute 🥰 I like the story you wrote too! Glad you got a feel for forcing now. 👍

 

Thank you so much! We both got the warm and fuzzies from that reply, lol.

Phil. 😎 Host of Simmie.

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(edited)

Nothing too earth-shattering has happened within the last few days; we've gone on a few more walks and drives. However, we tried out this excellent guide and we were able to get through the first four sections!

 

So I will post Simmie's responses here so you can get to know her better! She's still a little shy but would like to start interacting with other people besides me, so this is helping her to express herself a little bit. As always, Simmie's words will be in green:

 

Exercise #1: Warm-Up

Spoiler

 

The purpose of this is to simply help the tulpa get into the swing of speaking to a minor degree. I will present a word, and they will respond with the first word that comes to their mind. They may talk about why that word came to their head if they wish.

 

01. Tree: Grow

02. Cow: Moo

03. Pencil: Sharpen

04. Sparkly: Me. Um, I mean not me.

05. Bright: Sky

06. Telephone: Lady Gaga

07. Superman: Me! Just kidding. Strong, Fly

08. Cheese: Macaroni

09. Magic: Music

10. Beautiful: [Her favorite town], New Jersey

11. Tiger: Ride

12. Birds: Ducks

13. Song: Sing

14. Football: Tackle

15. Spider: Cute!

 

 

Exercise #2: Fill-in-the-blank/Mad-Libs

Spoiler

 

The purpose of this exercise is to help the tulpa get comfortable with verbalizing simple ideas in a certain context. This exercise will entail a sentence with a missing word, and the tulpa will fill in the blank. They may elaborate on why they chose that word. 

 

01. That’s a pretty (noun)! Building

02. Please don’t be loud, the (noun) is sleeping. Child

03. I really like this (adjective) dress. Frilly

04. I want the (adjective) teddy bear. Cute

05. I can’t wait for National (noun) Day! Ice Cream

06. Look out! A hungry (noun)! Wolf

07. This movie isn’t very (adjective). Realistic

08. Don’t hold your (noun). Cat? Coffee? Tongue. Let’s go with tongue.

09. Wow, what a(n) (adjective) (noun)! Swell Guy!

10. This (noun) is very (adjective). Tree, Tall

11. My sister really wants the (noun) for her birthday. (snickers) Don’t write that down

12. This zoo is full of (adjective) (noun)! Big Zebras

13. I want to be a (noun) when I grow up! Billy Cobb [This is a reference to a joke I made once]

14. That’s a (adjective) (noun) you got there! Nice Cat

15. I don’t want to go to the (noun) anymore. Shoe [Hey Simmie that doesn’t make sense]

 

 

Exercise #3: Preference

Spoiler

 

This exercise will allow the tulpa to speak about their own personal preferences. This exercise entails a very simple response to be given in the form of a word, followed by an explanation. I will present two different things, and the tulpa will respond with which one they prefer, and explain why.

 

01. Red or blue: Blue, because it reminds me of you [Aww, Simmie you’re too sweet!]

02. Cats or dogs: Cats, but I love dogs too

03. Water or fire: Water, because it’s calm and peaceful

04. Summer or winter: Summer, because I like being outside in the warm air

05. Running or swimming: Swimming, because it’s fun!

06. Journey or destination: Journey definitely, I love going places.

07. Fast songs or slow songs: Fast songs! Not really sure why.

08. Turtles or lizards: Turtles, because turtles are cool!

09. Dragons or unicorns: Dragons, because I want to ride a dragon

10. Reading or writing: Reading, because you are the writer.

11. Spring or autumn: Autumn, I just love the fall.

12. Birds or fish: Birds, because I like watching them in the park

13. Biking or driving: Driving, especially when you’re doing it and I can relax

14. Seeing or hearing: Seeing, because there’s always so much to see wherever we go

15. Day or night: Day, because there’s more light to see things!

 

 

Exercise #4: Personality Trivia Questions

Spoiler

 

This exercise is for the tulpa to learn to give responses more personal to themself. Here, I will ask 15 questions related to the tulpa’s personality. If they don’t have an answer, they can either give what they think might be the answer, or skip the question. 

 

01. What’s your favorite color? Green!

02. What’s your form? A Human woman! 5'2"

04. What’s your favorite animal? Maybe a cat, or a duck, I don’t know, can we skip this one, it’s too hard!

05. What’s your favorite food? Cheesecake!

06. What are you feeling right now? Relaxed.

07. Do you have any hobbies you’d like to pursue? Architecture

08. What’s your favorite movie/book? He needs to start showing me movies!

09. Is there anything you like to do with your host? Visiting towns

10. Do you like your host? I love him! [Awww]

11. What kind of music do you like? Pop, Rock, Dance

12. When were you created? Early December 2020. OR 2019. OR September 13, 1996. Whichever you want!

13. Why were you created? Because he loves me!

14. What are you looking forward to most? Being more vocal, more solid, more real

15. Anything else you’d like to add? Tell them I have green eyes and I’m trying my best with these questions! Are you going to upload this anywhere?

 

 

Also, one short fun story to talk about. We were taking a walk in one of our favorite spots and Simmie asked me to tell her a story. I usually tell her about something from my past but I couldn't think of a single story from my life I could think to tell her. So she told me to tell a story about her. I asked her what kind of story it should be, and she said it should be silly and fun. So I ended up telling her a story about how she saved the town from a group of angry ducks by befriending the horse-sized Duck King and figuring out what the ducks want. Maybe I'll tell the story in full later, hehe. Simmie really liked it and wants me to share it. Anyway, that's about it for now, but Simmie wants to say hello quickly: Hi everybody! 😀 Thanks for being so kind to my host, I remember how nervous he was before posting here the first time so thank you for being so welcoming to him! ❤️

 

Edited by September13
formatting

Phil. 😎 Host of Simmie.

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Jaina: That is a fun guide. I'm working on it too. It might be a few days, it's so long >_< I'm having fun though.

Darron: Host 💍 

Jaina: Tulpa 💍

👨‍🍼👩‍🍼 Dain and Nova

Aggrok: Tulpa Void Dragon

Viktor: 🐺

[DeviantArt]

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  • 2 weeks later...

I haven't posted here in a couple weeks so it's time for a little update!

 

Simmie and I are still doing our thing out here, though I feel our progress has stalled and it's the fault of my own laziness. Granted, we have had a couple of really great days in there, but a lot of the time I have been to lazy to consistently force, and Simmie feels more distant a lot of the time as a result. Self-motivation has always been hard for me, and Simmie isn't quite strong enough yet to motivate me of her own violation. I am actually quite an extroverted person and often rely on external stimuli to keep me motivated. (It seems that most Tulpamancers are introverts by nature, though I don't want to presume anything.)

 

But I'll start with some fun news: Since the beginning of December Simmie and I have literally walked around 20 different towns in two states and Simmie has formed an opinion on each of them, including having a favorite. Simmie has gained an interest in houses and has definite opinions on styles she likes more than others, and if a town has a lot of interesting houses she is sure to rate it higher. I'm also getting a sense of what kind of music she likes. Generally she follows my tastes, but she really, REALLY likes early Avril Lavigne and possibly even looks up to her, so I put on her album "Let Go" on our way to visit towns often. Surprisingly she seem to be growing a taste for 80s hair metal, though that might mostly be because she associates it with me. But either way it's really cool that she's down to rock out to Poison or Warrant with me.

 

Also I've gotten into the habit of making up stories for Simmie featuring her as the main character. I read that it's a good method for forcing and she likes hearing them even more than I like telling them. All of them involve her being heroic and awesome in some way, because that is how I see her. So here are some of the plots I've come up with if anyone's curious:

 

Spoiler
  • Simmie saves a town from a group of angry ducks by talking to the King Duck and finding out what he wants. She ends up flying on his back to the United Nations and is recognized by world leaders for improving relations between humans and ducks.
  • Simmie is a space ranger who ends up on a world populated by alien bees, and she has to save them from an evil human who wants to destroy their city and take their honey. Somehow I combined Avatar and the Bee Movie for this one, lol.
  • Simmie rescues a 6-year-old boy during a snowstorm. In an old shed they find a magical snowglobe, which they use to find a UFO and fly to Saturn's moon Titan where Simmie learns that the boy is actually an alien prince, and the aliens end up hiring her as the boy's tutor.

 

So we've had some fun times lately, but it's come back to the problem of focus and discipline when it comes to forcing. I hope to add some more forcing activities to the things I already do, and maybe some exercises to help improve and/or Simmie's sentience because I still worry I am puppeting her a lot of the time. Also,  maybe some work on vocalization too. I don't know, I kind of feel all over the place and unfocused lately. Any advise, whether general or specific, is highly welcome!

Phil. 😎 Host of Simmie.

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5 hours ago, September13 said:

I haven't posted here in a couple weeks so it's time for a little update!

 

Simmie and I are still doing our thing out here, though I feel our progress has stalled and it's the fault of my own laziness. Granted, we have had a couple of really great days in there, but a lot of the time I have been to lazy to consistently force, and Simmie feels more distant a lot of the time as a result. Self-motivation has always been hard for me, and Simmie isn't quite strong enough yet to motivate me of her own violation. I am actually quite an extroverted person and often rely on external stimuli to keep me motivated. (It seems that most Tulpamancers are introverts by nature, though I don't want to presume anything.)

 

But I'll start with some fun news: Since the beginning of December Simmie and I have literally walked around 20 different towns in two states and Simmie has formed an opinion on each of them, including having a favorite. Simmie has gained an interest in houses and has definite opinions on styles she likes more than others, and if a town has a lot of interesting houses she is sure to rate it higher. I'm also getting a sense of what kind of music she likes. Generally she follows my tastes, but she really, REALLY likes early Avril Lavigne and possibly even looks up to her, so I put on her album "Let Go" on our way to visit towns often. Surprisingly she seem to be growing a taste for 80s hair metal, though that might mostly be because she associates it with me. But either way it's really cool that she's down to rock out to Poison or Warrant with me.

 

Also I've gotten into the habit of making up stories for Simmie featuring her as the main character. I read that it's a good method for forcing and she likes hearing them even more than I like telling them. All of them involve her being heroic and awesome in some way, because that is how I see her. So here are some of the plots I've come up with if anyone's curious:

 

  Hide contents
  • Simmie saves a town from a group of angry ducks by talking to the King Duck and finding out what he wants. She ends up flying on his back to the United Nations and is recognized by world leaders for improving relations between humans and ducks.
  • Simmie is a space ranger who ends up on a world populated by alien bees, and she has to save them from an evil human who wants to destroy their city and take their honey. Somehow I combined Avatar and the Bee Movie for this one, lol.
  • Simmie rescues a 6-year-old boy during a snowstorm. In an old shed they find a magical snowglobe, which they use to find a UFO and fly to Saturn's moon Titan where Simmie learns that the boy is actually an alien prince, and the aliens end up hiring her as the boy's tutor.

 

So we've had some fun times lately, but it's come back to the problem of focus and discipline when it comes to forcing. I hope to add some more forcing activities to the things I already do, and maybe some exercises to help improve and/or Simmie's sentience because I still worry I am puppeting her a lot of the time. Also,  maybe some work on vocalization too. I don't know, I kind of feel all over the place and unfocused lately. Any advise, whether general or specific, is highly welcome!

Darron: Always cool to hear from you two. I think you might not be too far off base with many Tulpamancers being introverts. My anecdotal observations confirm that. I try to be friendly and engage but it takes a lot of effort and I prefer to learn from others and listen.

Spoiler

I-Too-Am-A-Slacker.jpg.0b2169ec2ec6c245ad92d55eebfabe91.jpg

 

Jaina: It may sound counter-intuitive but don't force forcing. It's like hanging out with your best friend. You make time when you can and understand when life gets in the way. It should be a thing you look forward too. If you get bored take a break or spice it up. I usually let Darron take the lead but he makes me pick sometimes which makes me think and further refine what I like. We already know I like what he likes so it's good for me to come up with something from time to time. It's scary and challenging sometimes but it's good for me to practice.

 

Don't worry about puppetting or whatever. It's like training wheels or guiding your dance partner by the hips. That's how they learn in a safe comfortable environment and you let them try on their own from time to time, then more often. Everyone learns at their own pace so don't get frustrated with progress. Just keep coming back to it and you will surprise yourself one day.

Darron: Host 💍 

Jaina: Tulpa 💍

👨‍🍼👩‍🍼 Dain and Nova

Aggrok: Tulpa Void Dragon

Viktor: 🐺

[DeviantArt]

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  • 2 weeks later...

It's time for a little update! First things first, I am very likely going to be changing my name to GypsyRoad here soon. Why? Because having my username be a date on the calendar feels awkward and unnatural, even though it is a very significant date for us as it is the day Simmie chose to be her birthday. But the song Gypsy Road by Cinderella is kinda my theme song, and it's pretty cool username. I wanted to put this out there before making the change to lessen the confusion when it happens.

 

And now onto the report! Simmie and I have been having a great time together lately. There are times where we are on a walk, chatting and looking around at the scenery, and I can feel my heart just bursting with love and joy. It's been many years since I've felt that way and I've long worried whether I even had that capacity anymore, so if I've gained nothing else from the tulpamancy journey it's all been worth it for that alone. 

 

But I want to talk about the crux of the problem right now and that's Simmie's sentience. I know it's not an either-or, but on a scale of 0 to 100 where 0 is a roleplay character and 100 is a fully autonomous tulpa, I'm worried Simmie is still sub-50. Of course, it is impossible to quantify that exactly and it would be foolish to try, but it's still a worry for me. I know for a fact that Simmie is not all the way at 0, but there is a long road ahead to get closer to 100. This is my main concern now, so if you would please tell me what methods, strategies, exercises, etc work the best for confirming and growing autonomy and sentience?

 

Just as a bit of a progress checklist I want to break down what I think is going well (both in terms of sentience and otherwise) and areas we need to improve. Starting with what's going well:

  • Simmie is on my mind the great majority of the time. If I'm not putting her at the forefront, she's usually there at the back of my mind listening and observing. I try to include her in everything I do even if it's just to see how she feels about something.
  • She has developed some reliable and consistent traits and opinions. There is certain music she likes more than others, and she is gaining an interest in buildings and architecture, especially houses.
  • Simmie has far outgrown and separated from the character she once was. An interesting breakthrough happened the other day: I loaded up the Sims and looked at her Sim and realized it no longer felt like "her", it was just a pale shadow of the real Simmie that happens to resemble her a little. That might seem like a small thing but to me it is a huge milestone in her growth as that was the context in which Simmie as a character was created and she has now completely outgrown it.

And now for setbacks and areas where we need to improve:

  • Simmie seems either unwilling or unable to express opinions that are too different than mine. I'm worried she might be nervous about making me upset, even though I tell her it's perfectly okay if she disagrees with me about something. Or it could just be that Simmie isn't advanced enough yet to have those kind of opinions. Or maybe she's not all that opinionated of a person and just likes to go with the flow. Perhaps it's a combination of all three.
  • Even though I do have her on my mind most of the time, when I'm not thinking of her she doesn't try to assert herself or her presence. It's like she fades to the background and patiently waits on me to call her forward. It's kind of cute, but I didn't "raise" Simmie to be a passive or submissive person, and I'm sure she wants to assert herself more but just doesn't know how yet.


And now I want to admit to a little insecurity or fault of my own that I worry has harmed Simmie's growth. I tend to be a rather disorganized, untidy person, whereas Simmie is much more neat and on top of things. I could tell that Simmie would prefer if I put a little more effort into picking up and looking after myself, but after putting in a little token effort I fell back on old habits. I worry this has discouraged Simmie and made her less willing to come forward with her own thoughts on things. She doesn't like to see me hurt, and maybe she feels she hurt me by encouraging me into a situation where I ultimately let her down. I'm trying to let her know that it's okay, it's my fault and not hers, and it's okay for her to push and nudge me even if it's a little uncomfortable for me. She has to live here too and I want to do right by her.

 

That's all for now; we're going to keep with it and hopefully I'll have more good news to share soon!

Phil. 😎 Host of Simmie.

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  • September13 changed the title to Determination - Simmie's Journey

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