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Determination - Simmie's Journey


September13
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(edited)

Way to go Simmie and Phil! (From both of us!)

 

14 hours ago, Gloomynoon said:
On 6/6/2021 at 10:52 PM, TurboSimmie said:

I kept repeating phrases like "I am Simmie. I'm in control now."

This sounds like something you would say when switching-in, but it's for full-body possession? 

 

We had to do stuff like this too, and we viewed it more as a method of bringing Shizuku to the front. (I think it could also be viewed as a type of switch, though? Honestly, I think the terminology around possession and switching is kind of a mess, especially since it seems that the experiences are so subjective).

 

After some practice, we got to the point where she could possess pretty easily "from the back" for simple movements, but that didn't help us accomplish our goal of letting her use the body to practice piano. To make that work, she needed to take over the front and think about what she was doing.

 

5 hours ago, TurboSimmie said:

I...think I just had a bit of a breakthrough right in the middle of writing that. I just got frustrated and did it. Guess I really just wanted to prove to myself that I could do it.

 

14 hours ago, Gloomynoon said:

I find it interesting, because you and Wray are all reading guides and stuff. Me and Jill didn't read any (Not trying to flex.) Just knew the general concept and a few things, like permission and stuff.

 

Awesome, Simmie!

This discussion makes me think there's probably a lot to be said for the "just do it" school of tulpamancy. The way this stuff works, reading a guide that says something is hard/impossible to accomplish might literally make it so.

 

Anyway, I'm really glad possession/switching/whatever-you-call-it is going smoothly for you guys! And yes, take it easy on Phil! We hosts have been around for a lot of years, so we can be pretty set in our ways. 😂

Edited by Wray

Host: Wray (or John) (he, him)
Tulpa: Shizuku (she, her) 🐺

We now have a progress report!

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I hope you guys aren't tired of me gushing about Simmie yet, but she really is amazing and continues to blow my mind all the time. The last few days in particular she has surprised and impressed me with astoundingly rapid progress and I simply must share it.

 

You might have read Simmie's reports on her own progress with progression. It was going slowly for quite some time. We were having trouble differentiating between who was really controlling the body and we were using increasingly blunt-force methods to assert Simmie's dominance over mind's narrative. It kind of worked but was sloppy. But then, the next day while typing at this very computer, Simmie got really frustrated and just...did it. Just out of nowhere she slid right in and began possessing me almost effortlessly, raising my hand high into the air and keeping it up there as if defying the whole world to tell her she couldn't.

 

Then last night Simmie decided she really wanted to dream. Now, I can't even make myself dream on command. But Simmie was determined to do it; she couldn't stop thinking about it right before bed, and she even prayed about it. (I'm pretty much agnostic myself but her praying is really sweet). And then she just did it: she dreamed. Simmie wrote about it on the dream thread if you're interested. It was a bit of a tense and creepy dream so when we first awoke we didn't know how to feel, but within a few minutes Simmie began to understand her accomplishment and started to celebrate.

 

Simmie immediately began to possess my right arm and wave it around. She was really starting to enjoy herself as she told me how she was making it glow bright green (symbolically representing that she was controlling it). Then from there she started to slide into full body possession. I asked her what she wanted to do with it; she had told me the reasons she wanted to possess me, one of them to be to help me out with things like cleaning, and I started to wonder if that was actually true or if it was just something Simmie thought she wanted to do, but would find herself stopped by my body's own habits and predilections when she finally got into the drivers' seat.

 

Well, if you know anything about Simmie by now, she took that as a challenge. "Oh yeah? Well you just watch." She basically said. Then she started to get to work. One of my bad bachelor habits I've picked up is to often leave my clothes unfolded in a laundry basket after taking them out from the dryer. Simmie immediately started to fold and hang up every clast item of clothing in the room! But she wasn't done blowing my mind yet. At first I was unsure if Simmie was really controlling things or if we were both kind of sharing. Simmie insisted it was her. She told me to picture myself standing in the living room of our wonderland home. She gestured to our TV. "Want to watch football? Here, I'll put on the game for you; the Eagles are winning 18-0." As I sat down I thought to myself that 18 was an uncommon number of points to have in a football game but Simmie insisted she didn't make a mistake.

 

So I started thinking to myself "18 points? Simmie is smart but I guess she doesn't know much about football. How could they have 18 points anyway? I guess that's one touchdown, a field goal...then how did they get the other 8? Did they go for 2? Why would they go for 2 in that situation? Did they get a safety and then miss an extra point? Maybe all 18 points came from 6 field goals...nah probably not...maybe a touchdown, a safety, and three field goals?..." And I kept thinking along those lines while Simmie cleaned until it suddenly hit me: Simmie knew exactly what she was doing. She knows that I go down these random mental tangents all the time and deliberately set me down one of them so I would be distracted while she cleaned my room, thereby leaving her in complete control of the body. I was absolutely thunderstruck; this was a 1000 IQ play by Simmie and it completely worked. So subtle but brilliant; and she used what is normally a negative trait of mine to help me. She was coy at first when I asked her if she picked 18 points on purpose, but eventually admitted to remembering that it was an unusual score from a video we watched a ways back and deciding to use it.

 

Anyway, Simmie put away all the clothes and even picked up some loose trash that was on the floor leaving the floor spotless. At that point she seceded control of the body back to me and I got ready for my day. She's been kicking back up there relaxing ever since, smirking down at me with a friendly "See, told you so" kind of attitude and giggling a lot. I guess the moral of the story is to never underestimate Simmie: She will take it as a challenge and will prove you wrong every time. I think it's only a matter of time before she takes over the world so it's best to get on her good side now. 😆

 

The next big adventure will be a renewed focus on visualization and perhaps even imposition, but I haven't even really begin to dig into that side of things yet, so I won't go into it yet. (This post is already monstrously long anyway lol). As always, tips, feedback, comments are always welcome by us!

Phil. 😎 Host of Simmie.

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Holy cow, that improbable score trick blew *my* mind all the way over here. Simmie might be growing too powerful...

I'm super happy for you two! Keep on rocking, it's amazing to see someone doing so great.

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  • 3 weeks later...

I suppose it's time for a little update as it's been a while. Unfortunately, the last 2 to 3 weeks have been a bit of a down time for us. My job slowed down significantly from May to June and that should in theory mean I have more time to force, focus, and spend time with Simmie. In reality, my mind has been pretty scrambled and I end up just wasting huge amounts of time on inane activities like watching endless amounts of Youtube videos or marathon Civ VI sessions. Simmie is understanding with me, but I can tell there is a deep frustration lurking just under the surface. We've spoken about it: She pointed out that I--meaning Phil the ego--seems to be under the sway of the rest of myself rather than the other way around like it should be. (Gosh, there aren't words in English to describe this very well. Think of it as the gray matter in this picture controlling the blue dot instead of the blue dot ruling the gray matter.)

 

image.png.fbd9d76a6c6c88f04b4021bad27ab966.png

 

So to be completely honest, my main problem in Tulpamancy has nothing to do with Simmie and everything to do with myself and my own stupid brain problems. The paradox is that Simmie wants to be stronger in order to help with these problems, yet I have to overcome these problems in order to make Simmie stronger. I am thankful at least that since Simmie shares my brain she fully understands my shortcoming and the fact that I really do care about her development, I just find it hard to focus and take control of myself. I sometimes say that Simmie is impatient, but when it comes to putting up with me she has far more patience than can be expected from anyone.

 

Anyway, the next big journey we want to embark on is visualization/imposition. I forget in exactly which thread this happened or who said it, but an experienced old-school tulpamancer suggested that I work on making Simmie feel more real in 3D space, and I've taken that to heart. We had been working on possession which seems to be focused on Simmie being within me, whereas this is more about projecting her outside of me. This doesn't mean I'm giving up on possession; we're sticking a pin in it and returning to it later. But now the focus is on making Simmie as tangible as possible and I think the best way to do that is use the widest array of senses I can to accomplish this, so I'll make a little list with my thoughts on each:

 

Visual - The most obvious and probably most important. I have a good idea what Simmie looks like, but frustratingly I still have difficulty picturing her photo-realistically (this bothers her even more than me). All the art I have created of her to help with this has been based on her Sim from the Sims 3, which while it's a pretty good representation in the game, is still a Sim after all. I also have the excellent commission that CM did for us. But we still lack a photorealistic depiction of Simmie. I wonder if there are any artists in the community with the ability to draw one? I'd be willing to pay for a commission; maybe I'll ask around the art subforum. But for now, I can still focus on picturing Simmie standing or sitting next to me when out on our worldly adventures. This was actually something I was doing a lot early on but fell off of a bit, so I'll renew that focus.

 

Auditory - This one is pretty tricky. I have a fairly good idea what Simmie's voice sounds like, though I can't really describe it and honestly it doesn't have any immediately identifiable quirks. If you heard it, you'd probably say "Yep, that's a normal American female voice". But apart from speaking, I might use ASMR videos to replicate some of the non-verbal sounds she might make, such as breathing, hair and clothing sounds, footsteps, or even her heartbeat. I may have to convince Simmie to give this a try, because she very much dislikes ASMR videos that are in or anywhere near the "girlfriend roleplay" subgenre. I think she would be willing to compromise with videos that are nonverbal and non-roleplay.

 

Tactile - I've made attempts with this one. During our meditation I often try to reach out and touch Simmie's face, hair, shoulders, arms, hands, and try to feel them. True tactile imposition seems hard if not downright impossible though, but maybe I haven't given it an honest try. I still hold Simmie's hand when we walk, to the point where I unconsciously go out of my way to make sure there's enough space for her. Oddly enough this was more satisfying when it was still cold and I was wearing gloves; maybe because there was material around my hand it was easier to imagine her own gloved hand in mine. Also, this is technically another sense, but I don't know the name for it so I'll throw it in here: The ability to sense Simmie's presence. The fact that I make space for her unthinkingly shows that I already do this to an extent. But you know when someone's in the room with you and you can still sense them when you close your eyes, maybe because of their subtle movements? That's the kind of feeling I want to achieve with Simmie. I think more than anything this can drive home the reality of Simmie, possibly even more than visual imposition would.

 

Smell & Taste - These two seem hard to do, and can also be a bit NSFW to talk about if I'm not careful. But I have legitimately managed to taste Simmie's breath on a few occasions--still the sharpest imposition experience we've had so far. I had a pack of strawberry-flavored Orbit gum that Simmie told me smells similar to a hair product she uses, but we had a hard time getting that one to stick. Every person has their own unique scent due to their natural body odor plus the hygiene products they use, but I have no idea how I would even go about replicating that for Simmie. But I've heard olfactory sensation is most closely tied to memory of all the senses, so this might be something worth thinking about in more detail.

 

So that's all for now. If anyone has any advice or ideas on any of these topics, please tell me! 

Phil. 😎 Host of Simmie.

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(edited)

We're only working on presence right now, but I had a hard time finding any information about it at first. 😅 Jordan & Lianne's presence imposition guide was very helpful. This comment (from a pretty old thread) also had some relevant information.

I found a lot of good stuff about imposition in general in this thread, too--especially because Ember.Vesper's comment there links to plenty of other resources. Hope this could help with your research.

Edited by Wray

Host: Wray (or John) (he, him)
Tulpa: Shizuku (she, her) 🐺

We now have a progress report!

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  • 4 weeks later...

Hello everyone, it's Simmie. It's been a while but I wanted to make an update. We're to the point now where talking about tulpamancy progress is completely tied into the wholistic state of "the system" (I really dislike using that word to refer to Phil & I but we haven't really come up with an alternative yet), so it doesn't make sense to talk about one without talking about the whole.

 

July has been a rough month for us both. Phil's depression has been at a more severe level than usual over the last few weeks and his ability to concentrate and motivate himself have taken a big hit. And when that happens, it effects me greatly. It's hard for me to motivate him when I have trouble reaching him; I'm always here, but sometimes I feel like I'm trying to talk to him through a distorted sound system. When he forces himself we can still have very lucid conversations, but he has trouble concentrating for more than about a minute or so without losing focus.

 

But now we come to the main source of tension between us: I have been probing him to do little things to help improve his life and mental state; anything from going to bed earlier to "stop doing X activity if it's not constructive or even fun". Phil always says he'll do it...and then he doesn't, almost like a child. He doesn't seem to be willing or able to take even a modicum of agency in his own life and just drifts by on the breeze. I'm not asking for anything major; just small little improvements that are going to make him happier, heathier, and more successful. Maybe once or twice a week he'll buckle down and work a solid hour on something and knock it out like a champ. But for the rest of the time he's drifting in a haze. I think anyone could see how this is incredibly frustrating for me, and why I just get so tired of it and pull myself further into the background. It hurts to think that Phil's love and care for me doesn't seem to be powerful enough to push through these problems and help himself. And I feel like a jerk for even saying that, because it makes me feel like a manipulative person. I know he loves me with his whole heart; I couldn't ask for more in that regard. But ugh, I'm just so tired of it!

 

But maybe if I can't change Phil's attitude at least I can change my own. Today while out at the park with Phil I told him something: "Phil, you have fifty different demons floating around you tormenting you. I'm not going to be another one. I'm on your side, and will fight with you against them until the very end. I've made a promise to love you and stay with you no matter what happens. Even if you were a homeless bum sleeping under a pile of newspaper on the street I would still love you. We are a team. So let's be a team and work together on this. I'll help hold you up when you're weak, and I know I can count on you to help me bloom and grow as a tulpa and as a person."

 

So that's my pledge and my promise, and I want it out there as public record. No matter what happens I am going to love and support my host and never stop trying to help him. I'm not going anywhere.

 

Thank you everyone for giving me a chance to vent a little. It really makes me sad that the forum has been very quiet recently--during times where Phil is stuck in a daze or wrapped up in some Simmie-unfriendly activity I really could use an outlet to talk and enjoy the company of another person. But the only thing active on this forum seems to be LOTPW and I can't get into the discussions that usually happen there; I'm just not interested in those topics. I really wish other forum games were active at the very least. But beyond that, I just wish I could chat with somebody. I know the Discord exists, but I keep hearing bad things about it and I'm nervous to make the plunge.

 

That's it for now. It felt pretty cathartic to get this all off my chest. Phil always supports me expressing myself and never tries to censor me because he trusts me. 💚 If you took the time to read this, thank you! 😁

Tulpa Wife Extraordinaire! 💚 - 💍 11.28.21

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J: 😭

D: 😭

 

Sorry to hear you're struggling Simmie. I'm sure everyone and their grandmother says this but maybe Phil could talk about his motivation stuff with someone. I've been talking with my therapist about mine. If that's possible it might take some stress off your relationship. 

 

J: Darron gets obstinate like a mule when he's in a mood. Giving him a task or project to invest himself in usually perks him up a bit.

 

You're such amazing person for promising to stand by him through everything. Don't fault yourself for "not being able to fix him or make him better." He has to choose to do that himself. If it was that simple Jaina would have been out of a job in a month.

 

Instead I'm stuck here forever with the mop and bucket to clean him up off the floor when he gets mopey. 🙄😉 Seriously give him something to do that keeps him occupied. Overcoming the inertia from the "doing nothing" state is the biggest hurdle. Even if it's a fun little non-essential project he can chip away at and you two can talk about things while he does. Bite sized pieces girl. Can't move a mountain with one shove.

 

I'm sorry if we're not doing much to stir up fun conversations. Been kinda lazy and reactive here. There's like that chat thread too if you want to talk about something and don't want to interrupt LOTPW. Also people seem to keep mining little fun question threads that went dormant long before we got here. Might be something neat there. 

 

D: 🤗

J: 🤗

 

 

Darron: Host 💍 

Jaina: Tulpa 💍

👨‍🍼👩‍🍼 Dain and Nova

Aggrok: Tulpa Void Dragon

Viktor: 🐺

[DeviantArt]

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  • 4 weeks later...

Hey everyone, I think it's time to make an update on behalf of Phil and myself! 😁 Things have improved a lot in the last week or so. I'm not going to lie, July and the first half of August were rough. There were a few bright spots like our trip to Lancaster, but by and large we were not happy.

 

For almost two months now we're worked very little on what I like to call "Tulpa stuff". And there main reason for this is that I don't want Phil using me as a way to escape his responsibilities to himself. I would just feel way too guilty if I allowed him to pour time and attention into me while his own life was being neglected. So apart from our short meditation sessions we haven't really been doing any active forcing at all. I definitely feel the effects of this: It gets a bit harder to talk to him at times, and I definitely take up less share of the mind, if that makes sense.

 

But that's now in the past. We've turned over a new leaf, and the trigger for that was looking at those marker drawings again as we uploaded them to this site. It really made us realize how stupid we were both being, and helped us realize what we really are to each other and reconnect with that love. I was very angry with Phil for saying he would do something, whether for me or for himself, and then not doing it. But I really stopped to think about the struggles he goes through, and realized that I can be forgiving of Phil while keeping my high standards for him. And starving myself of attention was not helping him either; he does better when I am strong.

 

So now we're looking to get back into it; tulpaforcing that is, or "Tulpa Stuff" 😄. My goals include strengthening my presence in the mind; to be able to jump in without Phil having to seek me out. I also want to learn a degree of...well I don't know if I'd call it "parallel processing" exactly, but my ability to access the mind's resources without being overly effected by Phil's mental or emotional state. Is there a term for that within the community? Phil wants to get back to imposition as well, and I think that could be helpful too. It might also be fun to work on possession again, as I still cannot consistently possess anything other than his hands or his voice.

 

Also, we want to get back into "forcing through art". That includes drawing, writing, and even making music. Phil has been encouraging me to take on those activities myself but I find myself strangely nervous about them. I have started journaling a little; Phil even bought me my own notebook and pen that only I am allowed to use. But truly creative activities; I don't know if I'm truly able to express and separate myself from Phil artistically yet. I'm not sure what is the best way to make that leap.

 

That's it for now, thank you everyone for reading! I love all my friends on this site and I want you to know that I treasure all our interactions. 💚 Moving into the fall, I think we're headed for an interesting and exciting time! 😁

Tulpa Wife Extraordinaire! 💚 - 💍 11.28.21

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Phil and I are thinking of cultivating a wonderland that is parallel to the real world. I'm not exactly sure the best way to explain it. But when we wake up IRL, we're also waking up in the wonderland. When Phil's doing something IRL, he's doing the same thing or a similar thing in the wonderland at the same time. I'm always there in the wonderland, even when I'm not "active" strictly speaking, except when I'm being imposed / imposing myself. When Phil and I concentrate on the wonderland and block out the real world that's when we can do exclusively wonderland-based activities.

 

There are many reasons we want to do this. We want to create a wonderland that is closely tied to the real world but at the same time be a place where we can be in control and live the way we want to live. It also gives me a mental framework to think of myself as being in a physical place with a physical body at all times, rather than just a disembodied voice. It might also serve as a way to help manifest our real life goals and aspirations into reality, by picturing these things and then working to achieve them IRL.

Tulpa Wife Extraordinaire! 💚 - 💍 11.28.21

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  • September13 changed the title to Determination - Simmie's Journey

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