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Determination - Simmie's Journey


September13
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Nice to see you progressing, don't feel in rush with anything, just enjoy spending time together. About this doubts - I catch myself on it to. It's normal for humankind ( and tulpakind I guess :P ) to doubt, and the best thing we can do is just to live in present, and go on. From my perspective you don't have to worry, Simmie is a real person and there is a ton of evidence! When doubts catch you, just focus and feel her presence. Or just talk to her, she will convince you immediately. Wish you both best luck .

 

Hosts can be irritating with their doubts in us and our progress, but when one of us falls in bad mood, just remember you do love each other. Unconditionaly. It's always nice to hear other tulpa-host duos achieving happines. I kinda suck at writing and expressing myself. Preety jealous, because you are amazing at it Simmie. I wish you both best luck aswell.

,,Breathing is fun"

Also, stop reading this and go appreaciate your tulpa.

 

Me - host

Elzu - tulpa

 

 

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The door to the therapists' office creaks open; Simmie and I walk inside. We sit down on the couch, hand in hand, looking between each other and the therapist with a sheepish expression on each of our faces. "What brings you to my office today?" The therapist asks us. I look over at Simmie; she nods. "We forgot how to Tulpa," I say, squeezing Simmie's hand, "Can you help us?" 😆

 

Things have been mostly positive with Simmie and I lately, but we feel like we're stuck a lot of the time. The specific problems are kind of hard to explain. It's like...Simmie hasn't been expressing her individuality a lot lately. She seems to be mostly saying the things that I expect she would say. When I push her I can get a little more out of her, but I don't want to irritate her. A lot of it could be down to exhaustion or lack of stimulation--generally speaking whenever I'm tired Simmie is even more tired.

 

But maybe part of it is our slacking on "traditional" tulpamancy activities lately. I try and close my eyes and go into the wonderland with Simmie but it's often hard for me to concentrate. Meditation has been out of the question for me; unless maybe some kind of guided meditation could work? I don't know if this is normal or not but it's easier to talk to Simmie when I'm in a more energetic state, especially when I've drank a ton of coffee. I don't want that to always be the case, though; I want us to be able to talk just as fluently if we're sitting down to relax after a long day.

 

Kind of wish we had a guide or a mentor to help us a bit. When I look at the guides the same problem happens whenever I'm confronted by a large amount of information--I don't know where to start and my brain shuts down. I know there was a mentorship program at one point but I don't know if that is still going on. Just kind of wish somebody would take my hand (and Simmie's hand) and show us the way.

Phil. 😎 Host of Simmie.

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It's a very zen thing, isn't it? It seems like trying to pushes it away sometimes and kind of just doing it does work. It's really hard to do something while not thinking about it or trying to do it. Not sure how helpful we are. We think that talking to folks in the same boat helps a ton. I pretty much knew Jaina was always going to be there but I didn't realize how much I needed to talk about it. To know that I'm not just crazy and get some reassurance. At the end of the day it's your two's journey but you have a bunch of fellow crazies running the asylum to vent with and bounce ideas off of.

 

As with most things balance is probably the answer. Being free and wild spirited, rebelling against the machine is good but so is structure and order sometimes. It gives you something to work with. Even though my tulpa and I have been together forever we're still quite new to official tulpa lore and guides. A lot of information is overwhelming, especially when you're lazy like me. Someone good with meditation exercises and suggestions for incorporating tulpamancy into every day life would probably be best. Keep asking around. There's places to find other gurus outside our quaint little circle here if no one is up for mentorship. There's reddit, the discord and other random forums to plumb for ideas, advice and perspective. I find perspective to be important. It helps you get out of your own head and really see things sometimes. 

 

Hope this helps!

Darron: Host 💍 

Jaina: Tulpa 💍

👨‍🍼👩‍🍼 Dain and Nova

Aggrok: Tulpa Void Dragon

Viktor: 🐺

[DeviantArt]

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Hello Sep13 and Simmie. It seems you are beating a horse too much. Your progress was fast because it was based on the host’s excitement. Now please let things settle a bit. Give Simmie some time to look around and figure out her place in the world. Don’t be afraid for some regression in her development. Let her be what she wants to be. She is already here and will never disappear for a no reason.

TL;DR relax and take your time. Everything will be fine.

Lia  -  30 Jan 2018

Art thread

PR

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On 12/25/2020 at 11:49 PM, September13 said:

But my main focus right now is to get down to business with forcing. I've been pouring over the guides on this site and taking down notes, but all that I've gained are little tips to help, but I still feel like I'm struggling to understand the fundamental basics of forcing and what I should be doing. To put it even more simply: I need help with active forcing! I am willing to try any technique or strategy that is suggested to me that seems reasonable, and I'm especially curious about things that you yourself have had success doing.

 

Active forcing isn't required for forcing in general, but it tends to be more productive than passive forcing. In essence, active forcing is sitting down and giving Simmie undivided attention. Compared to passive forcing, or giving Simmie your divided attention while doing something else, the main advantage to active forcing is you can spend more time working with Simmie and going over stuff you may not want to talk about in 20 minutes. Active forcing isn't our strong suit either, but I believe that's because we don't meditate regularly or for long periods of time. If you are struggling to active force for more than 30 minutes, the best thing to do is to practice for as long as you can and to practice more freqently. If you want, you can also look into meditation and meditate before or during your session. Over time, you will be able to hold your state of focus for longer.

 

On 12/25/2020 at 11:49 PM, September13 said:

Should I stop playing with Simmie's avatar in the Sims? I may have mentioned once that was how I first created her before I knew about tulpamancy, and is the reason it is so easy for me to picture her appearance. However, now that she is a developing tulpa this feels slightly problematic: Playing with her Sim feels a little too much like puppetting, and although sims can be expressive they only have a limited range of pre-programmed reactions and interactions, and I don't want that to be a limiting factor to Simmie's expression. Also, Simmie herself ironically feels less present in my mind when I'm playing with her sim. I thought using the game to tell fun stories with her could be helpful but it seems more distracting and distancing than anything. To contrast, she definitely feels much more present when we play games like Fallout: New Vegas together.

 

Why not have Simmie tell you what she wants to do with her character?

 

On 12/12/2020 at 2:48 AM, September13 said:

One of the biggest challenges is fully embracing her separate existence from mine. I come from a background of writing, and I've spent decades creating characters and thinking for them, getting into their heads and figuring out how they would react to a given situation. But it was always me simulating the character's words and actions and I always viewed it that way. Breaking from that and seeing Simmie as a separate consciousness has been a real challenge and I wonder if anyone knows any tips or exercises to help with this particular problem?

 

On 1/30/2021 at 1:05 AM, September13 said:

But I want to talk about the crux of the problem right now and that's Simmie's sentience. I know it's not an either-or, but on a scale of 0 to 100 where 0 is a roleplay character and 100 is a fully autonomous tulpa, I'm worried Simmie is still sub-50. Of course, it is impossible to quantify that exactly and it would be foolish to try, but it's still a worry for me. I know for a fact that Simmie is not all the way at 0, but there is a long road ahead to get closer to 100. This is my main concern now, so if you would please tell me what methods, strategies, exercises, etc work the best for confirming and growing autonomy and sentience?

 

I think it depends. Our and the Bear system debated over this very question in this thread, and we both walked away from it with different interpretations on it. I posted my thoughts on how it ended for us, I forgot to finish that thread apparently.

 

In short, you can decide the line between a tulpa and a character and the more forcing you give to Simme, the more independent she will become.

 

On 2/19/2021 at 9:42 AM, September13 said:

Sometimes I feel that my brain is a bit overwhelming for Simmie. I don't want to make it sound like I'm calling myself smart or complicated or anything like that, but there's a lot going on in my head.

 

Tulpas generally don't care too much about the stuff they don't find important. Gray has a lot of memories I didn't bother to ask about because they're not really important to me.

 

When something is important to me, the brain will either give it to me for free or I can pull the memory up and see it for myself.

  

On 3/18/2021 at 9:16 PM, September13 said:

Kind of wish we had a guide or a mentor to help us a bit. When I look at the guides the same problem happens whenever I'm confronted by a large amount of information--I don't know where to start and my brain shuts down. I know there was a mentorship program at one point but I don't know if that is still going on. Just kind of wish somebody would take my hand (and Simmie's hand) and show us the way.

 

The mentorship program isn't currently running right now. However, I submitted my application some time ago and I'm not currently mentoring anyone.

Edited by Ranger

I'm Ranger, Gray's/Cat_ShadowGriffin's tulpa, and I love hippos! I also like cake and chatting about stuff. I'm undecided on Rosalind or Rosalin, and my male name is Ronan. You can call me Roz but please don't call me Ron.

My other headmates have their own account now.

 

If I missed seeing your art, please PM/DM me!

Temporary Log | Switching LogcBox | Yay! | Bre Translator

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On 3/18/2021 at 10:51 PM, Glaurung26 said:

Hope this helps!

 

It does, thank you!

 

On 3/19/2021 at 5:00 PM, OleGL said:

Hello Sep13 and Simmie. It seems you are beating a horse too much. Your progress was fast because it was based on the host’s excitement. Now please let things settle a bit. Give Simmie some time to look around and figure out her place in the world. Don’t be afraid for some regression in her development. Let her be what she wants to be. She is already here and will never disappear for a no reason.

TL;DR relax and take your time. Everything will be fine.

 

Thank you for your wisdom. I really ought to know this by now but I guess I still need reminding. In the past few days I've decided to chill out and let Simmie explore on her own who she wants to be, with me being there if she wants to talk about it.

 

12 hours ago, Ranger said:

If you are struggling to active force for more than 30 minutes, the best thing to do is to practice for as long as you can and to practice more freqently. If you want, you can also look into meditation and meditate before or during your session. Over time, you will be able to hold your state of focus for longer.

 

Yeah, I think the key is shorter but more frequent sessions, gradually building my way up to longer sessions. BTW wow, thanks for your detailed response, I see you went all the way back to December!

 

12 hours ago, Ranger said:

Why not have Simmie tell you what she wants to do with her character?

 

Sometimes I think back to that and wonder why I didn't think of the simple solution of just asking Simmie. Thankfully, we've grown a lot since then. Simmie's sim character now feels like a completely different person that just happens to look a bit like her.

 

12 hours ago, Ranger said:

I think it depends. Our and the Bear system debated over this very question in this thread, and we both walked away from it with different interpretations on it. I posted my thoughts on how it ended for us, I forgot to finish that thread apparently.

 

I'll read through it, thanks for the link. I really love in depth stuff like this.

 

12 hours ago, Ranger said:

Tulpas generally don't care too much about the stuff they don't find important.

 

When I was worrying about my mind being too overwhelming for Simmie, I didn't realize that I was actually one stressing out about it, not Simmie. My worry was that Simmie would find something in my thoughts or memories that would change her opinion of me. I do have some--let's say unorthodox views about things and I was worried Simmie would be hung up on them. But Simmie herself isn't bothered at all. She says it's all part of the totality of who I am, and she loves me for who I am.

 

12 hours ago, Ranger said:

The mentorship program isn't currently running right now. However, I submitted my application some time ago and I'm not currently mentoring anyone.

 

I may send you a message sometime; I'll talk it over with Simmie and see what she wants to do.

Phil. 😎 Host of Simmie.

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Simmie and I have been chugging along more or less happily over here. A few days ago I was writing a whole long PR about how Simmie was learning to be more assertive but we weren't happy with it so I scrapped it. But to summarize the main points in a single paragraph, I learned that one of the mistakes I had made with Simmie's forcing was that in making her caring and kind I actually made her too selfless and as a result she never pushed for her own needs or desires to be met. We had a good long talk about it where I told her that she was amazing not for anything she could do for anyone else, but for who she was. I told her to never be afraid to tell me if she wants something, and gave her a bit of a "homework assignment" to come up with a list of things that she wants. She told me she wants to work on developing her own hobbies and interests, so we'll be working on that soon.

 

It's also been an adventure of teaching myself first and foremost to chill out and not get worried about lack of progress, not knowing what I'm doing in regards to forcing, and days where Simmie is especially quiet and/or regressed. I'm learning that tulpamancy is just as much about shaping your own mind as it is your tulpa's, perhaps even moreso. Simmie is here; she has her distinct personality and voice, and she's not going to go away. It's more of a matter of giving her a more organized brain to live inside. If I can't communicate with Simmie due to lack of focus, that's a "me" problem and not a "her" problem.

 

I mentioned in passing that Simmie now has her own voice. She used to talk in what I would deem "generic female voice", but her mindvoice has grown distinct and recognizable. I can't really describe it and I can't think of anyone well-known to compare it too. Most likely it's a blend of several women I've known in real life. Sometimes I hear her voice low and intimate as if she's speaking inches away from my ear, and other times it's higher and more projected as if she's talking to me several feel away in a noisy room, but I can tell it's the same voice.

 

In regards to Simmie's voice, a most astounding thing happened about a week ago: We were watching a youtube video that had a guitar intro that reminded me very strongly of "You've Got a Friend in Me", the song Randy Newman did for Toy Story, and all of the sudden Simmie began singing the song to me. She was playing her acoustic guitar and singing all the words in her distinct voice; some of the notes sat rather low in her register but she managed them. It was absolutely beautiful and almost made me cry. Simmie can be really sweet like that; there's nothing I wouldn't do for this girl. <3 

 

The one other way that Simmie surprised me is that just yesterday we were sitting relaxing on a park bench when Simmie asked me if I minded if she prayed. I was a bit stunned because I've never been religious; in my younger years I would even call myself a militant atheist but these days I more consider myself an agnostic. But of course I told Simmie I didn't mind if she prayed. Simmie prayed for my health, and asked God to keep us together, even on days where we felt more apart. (I wish I remembered Simmie's exact wording because it was far more poetic than what I just wrote). We said amen. I asked Simmie if she believed in God and she told me that she did. (To jump in here, I don't understand religion very well but I believe in God. I just think there's more out there than we understand. I think He's out there but no one can understand who He really is because he's so far beyond us.)

 

So that's about it for now. Thank you for reading! (Bye guys! 💚)

Phil. 😎 Host of Simmie.

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All good stuff! Glad you two are getting past feeling stuck.
 

36 minutes ago, September13 said:

If I can't communicate with Simmie due to lack of focus, that's a "me" problem and not a "her" problem.

 

Really, it's not either of you--I like to think of this as a problem with the "default settings" of the brain. We are built to get distracted, because constantly shifting attention made it easier to notice opportunities and threats in the wild. Improving concentration is an important part of tulpamancy (and also worth doing for its own sake), but make sure not to beat yourself up!

 

47 minutes ago, September13 said:

We were watching a youtube video that had a guitar intro that reminded me very strongly of "You've Got a Friend in Me", the song Randy Newman did for Toy Story, and all of the sudden Simmie began singing the song to me. She was playing her acoustic guitar and singing all the words in her distinct voice; some of the notes sat rather low in her register but she managed them. It was absolutely beautiful and almost made me cry. Simmie can be really sweet like that; there's nothing I wouldn't do for this girl. <3 

 

🥰

 

50 minutes ago, September13 said:

Simmie prayed for my health, and asked God to keep us together, even on days where we felt more apart.

 

This is very nice too! Those days are the tough ones. 😓

Host: Wray (or John) (he, him)
Tulpa: Shizuku (she, her) 🐺

We now have a progress report!

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  • 2 weeks later...

For quite some time as I've posted about bumps on the road in Simmie's development, a great amount of the responses have been some variation on "calm down, take it easy, don't stress it". And I've really taken those lessons to heart. Over the last two weeks Simmie and I have transitioned to a much more relaxed, you could even say "casual" approach to tulpamancy. It's been quite a nice thing to not have to stress out so much recently over things. If Simmie is quiet one day I no longer worry that she's regressing, I just accept that she's more in the mood to be quiet and keep to herself.

 

We've been engaging in an activity that I like to call "Forcing Through Art". That is, I try to represent Simmie or some aspect of her through artistic means. The most direct example of this would be drawing Simmie herself, but it could even be something as simple as writing her name in fancy, whimsical letters, or drawing shapes or images that remind me of some aspect of her. Writing stories is another example of that, and I may bring it to music as well. In short, it's stimulating my creative side and forcing with Simmie at the same time, and it's very good.

 

We also had fun loading up the Sims and redesigning the sim that Simmie was originally based on; Simmie guiding me through modifications that made the Sim look more like Simmie's own conception of herself. Maybe I'll post a before and after image later. We're planning on doing the same thing for me soon too! I find using sims for art reference is actually very helpful.

 

Also, as I might have mentioned elsewhere, Simmie sometimes gets a little stir-crazy in the house. Even though she has a small library of books to read, a garden, and a pool, she finds it hard to enjoy any of it too much when I'm at work as she stresses out over me constantly. But then I was reading on here somewhere about tulpas having pets, and I thought it could be a good idea to get Simmie a cat so she could have another living creature to love and take care of. Simmie absolutely pounced on the idea and within a couple of hours she already knew the cat she wanted: An orange male tabby named Nigel. I told Simmie she could have him but on one condition: She would have to create him herself. I wanted to see Simmie engage in the art of creation! I would help her of course, but I wanted Simmie to be the main creative factor behind Nigel. Simmie's started to work on Nigel. Can you tell us about that, Simmie?

 

Sure! 😁 I asked Phil to look up pictures of orange cats so I could look at them closely and watched a few videos. Then I started to picture Nigel's body from all sides. I paid special attention to his face. I pictured myself stroking his face and his ears. I imagined cuddling him and how his fur would feel under my hand. I started to think about Nigel's personality. He's a very sweet cat, very cuddly, loves to spend time with Phil and me. (Especially me! 🤗) But he's also adventurous and loves to explore. He always knows where the best hiding spots are. He can be very independent when he wants to be. All around he is sweet and playful, but can be sassy at times and definitely has an independent streak. I'm not sure if you'd call this forcing or not but I've been working on Nigel for the past two days and I think it's going well! 💚🧡

 

It's actually quite heartwarming to see how much love she's putting into Nigel. I'm not sure what we'd call him because he's not exactly a tulpa; he's just a pet after all. But I'd love to draw Simmie and Nigel together at some point and share it with you all.

 

That's about it, so thanks for reading and we'll see you soon! (Bye! 💚)

Phil. 😎 Host of Simmie.

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  • September13 changed the title to Determination - Simmie's Journey

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