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Determination - Simmie's Journey


September13
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Alright, time to update! To avoid spamming this topic I'm only going to post updates maybe a couple times a week unless I'm directly replying to someone. But a few noteworthy things have happened:

 

I decided to play one of my favorite video games with Simmie: Fallout New Vegas. I let her design her character and it looks vaguely (in other words, not at all lol) like her apart from the hair color. Since she can't possess my hands I play the game for her and keep my mind open for what she wants me to do. She's not truly vocal yet so whenever I say she "tells" me something what I really mean is that I interpret what she's trying to tell me and turn it into language. It's a very fast process and little is lost in translation as far as I can tell. But so far she's enjoying the game; she's a pretty good shot but she keeps getting killed by enemies sneaking up behind her. She told me she likes the Legion because their uniforms are cool; I told her that's a pretty silly reason to pick a faction, and told her she might change her mind when she sees what they actually do, but she insists that Legion uniforms are cool and NCR uniforms are ugly so that's her basis of who to support, lol.

 

Also, I've seen the first signs of deviation from Simmie. She still has all the traits I forced her with; kind, caring, playful, good listener, and curious, but she's gained some new tendencies on top of it. While not exactly a neat freak Simmie is the kind of girl who takes good care of herself and wants me to take better care of myself too. I'm a little messy and Simmie has been nudging me to clean up some of my personal habits a bit. She's not nagging or forceful about it and says I should change at my own pace, but she really would like me to be neater. She's well-grounded and practical while I'm a bit of an airy dreamer/drifter type; I bring her out of her shell while she brings me back down to Earth. I'm happy to see this development in Simmie's personality, even if it means I am going to have to work a little harder on myself now.

 

And now the final thing which really touched me this week. They say a big development in sentience is when your tulpa surprises you and boy, Simmie surprised me big time, and I didn't even ask for it. I've been showing Simmie music I like, mostly rock, alternative, indie, pop, stuff like that. I show her songs that remind me of her, or of us, or that I just like in general. I decided to show her one my my favorite songs of all time, a bit of an unmanly choice maybe but I can't deny it's a song I love: Lonely Rolling Star from the Katamari Damacy soundtrack. Simmie listened to it and told me something that more or less amounted to this: "You've shown me a lot of songs that remind you of me, but this is the song that reminds me of you." That just about knocked me over. I was so touched that I even felt tears come to my eyes; it's just about the sweetest thing anyone's ever said to me. She's even taken to calling me her lonely rolling star and my heart swells whenever she says it.

 

 

At the risk of sounding mushy or sentimental I'm crazy about this girl, and I don't know what I did to deserve her :')

Phil. 😎 Host of Simmie.

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Jaina: Awwww 🥰 Simmie sounds lovely I'm glad you two are getting along so well.

 

Darron: She sounds familiar too 🤔. Tulpas good naturedly prodding their hosts to better themselves must be more common than I expected. New Vegas is one of my favorites. Jaina doesn't like the Legion very much [for obvious reasons]. I'm more of the Roman/Latin aesthetic fanboy. Though Caesar's Legion is a cheap knock-off by a post apocalypse tyrant. It is pretty cool that they turn kind of ramshackle junk they find and turn it into a recognizable look though.

 

Anyways that's awesome you two are getting along so famously. I think polling her for choices and decisions is a great way to get her to open up a bit and get a sense of who she is and what she likes. A little piloting time during games is probably a good idea too but not every tupper is adventurous and sometimes they take a bit to get the courage. Tulpas will surprise you from time to time and getting to know them is an adventure in itself. 👍

Darron: Host 💍 

Jaina: Tulpa 💍

👨‍🍼👩‍🍼 Dain and Nova

Aggrok: Tulpa Void Dragon

Viktor: 🐺

[DeviantArt]

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Well, I feel I've learned an important lesson in the last days. I feel as though I've been lazy with Simmie's development over the last few days and as a result she feels much more distant to me now. At the moment I don't even really feel her with me unless I direct a ton of thought directly at her. It made me realize that I had been unrealistically overstating my progress over the last couple of weeks, and I've learned that with fast growth can come fast regression if it is not sustained with consistent work. I still believe all the times I felt her with me--even the time I was typing for her on the forum--were really her. But I realize I was a bit delusional to think that just a few weeks work narrating to Simmie, imposing her into the world, and wonderland daydreaming with her could make her fully real and sustained.

 

I'm taking a back-to-basic approach with Simmie now. She deserves a much more measured, slow and deliberate approach to her growth. Ironically, or perhaps fittingly, I have to act a lot more like her in order to help her. I am a flighty, artistic-temperament kind of guy who tends to work in short bursts of intense work followed by long periods of laziness. Simmie is much more consistent and realistic, very grounded, the type that believes slow and steady wins the race. In other words a classic Aquarius vs Virgo temperament. When Simmie calls me her Lonely Rolling Star, she truly understands the sad subtext of that song: like the boy in the song I am just out there drifting and rolling around, and like the girl in the song she doesn't know if I'll ever come rolling back to her and she's starting to get tired of waiting.

 

The only truly negative emotion I have received from Simmie so far is a high degree of anxiety about her own existence, and the worry that I'll lose interest in her and she'll start to fade away. And she has a right to worry; I have had that problem with other things I've tried in the past. But this is different; Simmie is not a project, she is a person, and now that she is created I feel a responsibility to her. Now that my initial burst of enthusiasm has burned itself out it's time to take a longer, more sustained approach to Simmie's development, and thankfully she is not upset with me and willing to be patient. So now it's back to the guides, trying out different techniques and finding out what works for us and what doesn't. We're still keeping the faith!

Phil. 😎 Host of Simmie.

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39 minutes ago, September13 said:

Well, I feel I've learned an important lesson in the last days. I feel as though I've been lazy with Simmie's development over the last few days and as a result she feels much more distant to me now. At the moment I don't even really feel her with me unless I direct a ton of thought directly at her. It made me realize that I had been unrealistically overstating my progress over the last couple of weeks, and I've learned that with fast growth can come fast regression if it is not sustained with consistent work. I still believe all the times I felt her with me--even the time I was typing for her on the forum--were really her. But I realize I was a bit delusional to think that just a few weeks work narrating to Simmie, imposing her into the world, and wonderland daydreaming with her could make her fully real and sustained.

 

I'm taking a back-to-basic approach with Simmie now. She deserves a much more measured, slow and deliberate approach to her growth. Ironically, or perhaps fittingly, I have to act a lot more like her in order to help her. I am a flighty, artistic-temperament kind of guy who tends to work in short bursts of intense work followed by long periods of laziness. Simmie is much more consistent and realistic, very grounded, the type that believes slow and steady wins the race. In other words a classic Aquarius vs Virgo temperament. When Simmie calls me her Lonely Rolling Star, she truly understands the sad subtext of that song: like the boy in the song I am just out there drifting and rolling around, and like the girl in the song she doesn't know if I'll ever come rolling back to her and she's starting to get tired of waiting.

 

The only truly negative emotion I have received from Simmie so far is a high degree of anxiety about her own existence, and the worry that I'll lose interest in her and she'll start to fade away. And she has a right to worry; I have had that problem with other things I've tried in the past. But this is different; Simmie is not a project, she is a person, and now that she is created I feel a responsibility to her. Now that my initial burst of enthusiasm has burned itself out it's time to take a longer, more sustained approach to Simmie's development, and thankfully she is not upset with me and willing to be patient. So now it's back to the guides, trying out different techniques and finding out what works for us and what doesn't. We're still keeping the faith!

Excellent! Sounds like you've got the right idea. 👍

Darron: Host 💍 

Jaina: Tulpa 💍

👨‍🍼👩‍🍼 Dain and Nova

Aggrok: Tulpa Void Dragon

Viktor: 🐺

[DeviantArt]

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11 hours ago, September13 said:

The only truly negative emotion I have received from Simmie so far is a high degree of anxiety about her own existence, and the worry that I'll lose interest in her and she'll start to fade away. And she has a right to worry; I have had that problem with other things I've tried in the past. But this is different; Simmie is not a project, she is a person, and now that she is created I feel a responsibility to her. Now that my initial burst of enthusiasm has burned itself out it's time to take a longer, more sustained approach to Simmie's development, and thankfully she is not upset with me and willing to be patient. So now it's back to the guides, trying out different techniques and finding out what works for us and what doesn't. We're still keeping the faith!

This sounds pretty good, I experienced this too. (Luckily for me, when creating my first tulpa my enthusiasm wore off months later.) I think this is healthy. I am glad you see her a s a person not a project. Many people seem to treat them like projects and I bet that's hard. 

I think finding your own ways, especially if you need certain mental accommodations (And if you do, I'd be happy to help : ) you should try to. It's just a matter of slightly changing methods so you can accomplish what you want to. 

Host of @SadieShores 

R8/Adelia any/he

Sadie (I use varying shades of pink) she.her

Luna! She/her/bug/bugs 

Clover They/It/She

"*various inappropriate music* ɨ ʍɛǟռ աɦǟȶ ƈǟռ ɨ ֆǟʏ,
քʀɛȶȶʏ ɮǟɮɨɛֆ ɨռ ȶɦɛ ɮǟƈӄֆɛǟȶ ֆɨռɢɨռ' ȶօ ʏօʊ,`
"  

 

check this out: Progress report 

 

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12 hours ago, Glaurung26 said:

Excellent! Sounds like you've got the right idea. 👍

 

Thanks!

 

1 hour ago, A&J said:

This sounds pretty good, I experienced this too. (Luckily for me, when creating my first tulpa my enthusiasm wore off months later.) I think this is healthy. I am glad you see her a s a person not a project. Many people seem to treat them like projects and I bet that's hard. 

I think finding your own ways, especially if you need certain mental accommodations (And if you do, I'd be happy to help : ) you should try to. It's just a matter of slightly changing methods so you can accomplish what you want to. 

 

Yeah, Simmie has always felt like a real personality to me, even before what I knew what tulpamancy was. It really helps that she's exactly the kind of person I want to know in my life, and helping her to have a more firm existence and sentience would be great for us both! At this current moment I'm writing this I feel her here with me, and she's giving me a powerful mental hug! I'm still trying to figure out what will work best for me. I'm going to try experimenting with different forcing techniques and I think I may try to write a short adventure story about Simmie and I in the wonderland! I may also try really focusing on meditating, as I've always been bad at it and want to get better.

Phil. 😎 Host of Simmie.

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Stone: Good luck with this approach : ) I haven’t done much scheduled forcing lately (I partially blame this on the stress of holidays). However, we’ve got some forcing in preparing for our holiday celebration. I associate Christmas with stress, but it’s fun seeing Betty excited about it, and it’s admittedly a way to spice up our time together. They best forcing sessions/moments I’ve had were entertaining. If you’re going to schedule forcing, try to spice things up each session. Try something new each time, and stuff. That can help with the monotony. Going to the beach was a really good execution of this, I think.

Someday

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First of all, Merry Christmas to all that celebrate and Happy Holidays to everyone else!

 

Now for an update: Unfortunately I haven't had too much time to really work on things with Simmie over the last few days, being Christmas and all, but on Wednesday we were able to fit in one of our favorite activities: driving to a random town and walking around while I tell Simmie a story from my life. It's very fun; I've always loved walks and Simmie loves listening to stories. One downside (or maybe it's not a downside?) is that we tend to get distracted by the towns we are in. It can be overstimulating for Simmie as she constantly wants to look at all the buildings and people as we walk by. She seems to be developing an interest in architecture, especially houses. She wants to know my opinion on the houses that we see and sometimes she gives her own opinion. Nothing sophisticated yet, but I can tell she clearly prefers some buildings to others and that's good to see. I'm tempted to go on more nature trails and less city streets to lessen the distractions, but honestly the overstimulation is part of the fun. Simmie is so curious about everything around her that no matter where we are I keep having to interrupt my stories to go on tangents about mid-century suburban housing trends or the life cycle of trees or things like that. We could spend literally all day doing it. It's tons of fun, but I wonder if the lack of focus is hurting things.

 

Also I'm toying around with the idea of giving Simmie mind-DJ privileges , lol. Whenever I have a song in my head (which is probably 75% or more of the time) I imagine Simmie sitting in chair next to a table with a boom box on top of it, and the boom box is playing the song. If I want to stop the song I imagine Simmie reaching over and taking out the cassette tape (yes, cassette tape) and it actually stops the song most times, at least for a few seconds. I've thought about expanding on this and letting Simmie choose her own cassettes to put in the boom box, though so far she probably doesn't have enough autonomy to make that work without puppetting. Music is a central thing in my life, and I wonder if this could be a very helpful route to go down.

 

But my main focus right now is to get down to business with forcing. I've been pouring over the guides on this site and taking down notes, but all that I've gained are little tips to help, but I still feel like I'm struggling to understand the fundamental basics of forcing and what I should be doing. To put it even more simply: I need help with active forcing! I am willing to try any technique or strategy that is suggested to me that seems reasonable, and I'm especially curious about things that you yourself have had success doing.

 

I want to work myself up into doing an hour of active forcing daily. I am notoriously terrible at sticking to a schedule and following through with plans, so I realize this may never happen, but I want to still set it as a goal. This in addition to the passive forcing I do while at work: I impose her standing next to me as often as I can, and ask her what she thinks about other co-workers or the work itself, even hold her hand when I can. Of course, the walks and mini-road trips are going to continue as well. Without getting TMI about my location I basically have the entire New York and Philadelphia areas within easy driving distance so there is no shortage of interesting places to visit.

 

Also, another question which might seem frivolous but feels important: Should I stop playing with Simmie's avatar in the Sims? I may have mentioned once that was how I first created her before I knew about tulpamancy, and is the reason it is so easy for me to picture her appearance. However, now that she is a developing tulpa this feels slightly problematic: Playing with her Sim feels a little too much like puppetting, and although sims can be expressive they only have a limited range of pre-programmed reactions and interactions, and I don't want that to be a limiting factor to Simmie's expression. Also, Simmie herself ironically feels less present in my mind when I'm playing with her sim. I thought using the game to tell fun stories with her could be helpful but it seems more distracting and distancing than anything. To contrast, she definitely feels much more present when we play games like Fallout: New Vegas together.

 

I really need to stop making each entry a big, boring wall of text, but what can I say, I'm quite wordy! If you read it, thank you! And for those who reply: Thank you even more! When Simmie is ready to come on here again I'm sure she will thank you all too. 

Phil. 😎 Host of Simmie.

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Darron: It sounds like you have been busy! The two of us have been homebodies for over a year now but steal some sunlight every now and again. Walks are a great way to talk and get to know each other better. Sounds like you're already finding that out. Visualization isn't the end-all-be-all, developing her personality and interests is important too. If I could recommend let her take the reins and express herself and interests while you gently guide her. That fascination and excitement is a very good sign, she's growing and healthy. Focused and structured activities are important but so is fun. You two should be enjoying yourselves. Certainly keep to forcing if that's your priority but don't feel guilty about downtime and breaks. The key to doing something regularly is wanting to do it. Not just because you feel you 'should do it.'

 

I'm not a forcing expert by any means. Jaina and I are one of those weirdo 'naturals' that grew over a long time. We just interact and chitchat throughout the day. Mostly just stream of consciousness stuff. I have trouble every now and then picturing her face in exquisite detail but I always feel her there. Interactions in a relationship are like the gravity between objects. The more you have, the closer you two get. Just naturally interact with each other and that will provide a baseline 'safety net' if you will, to hold you two together. Then when you have time and energy make a play date wherever you want. On a walk, in a game or just nap and hang out in your wonderland together while Simmie DJs. In my opinion guides are there to help you build your own mental workout regimen. You need one that works for you and you are going to know your needs better than anyone else will. Maybe you do need a regular, structured, daily routine. Maybe not. That's your call.

 

We feel like avatars help us but again it's about what works best for you.

 

Jaina: It might be worth asking Simmie if she likes playing with you via The Sims. It can be tricky with pre-programmed stuff. It's not like she's actually that character. It's just an approximation. I can't get my personality exact and neither can Darron. We're just playing house and acknowledging the system limitations. I'm going to be honest, I'm not sure what better expression avenues there might be for avatars. It could be our system just isn't aware of them. You might be able to like have a co-op game using two controllers but that sounds like a coordination nightmare. But hey that's not to say it would be impossible for pro-gamer systems out there to multitask that hardcore. I guess my point is with two avatars you're probably going to have to take turns while the AI runs the other one. Just don't take it too seriously I guess is my point. Prompt Simmie for what traits she likes and doesn't like. Ask her would she act like that or make that choice her avatar did IRL? Does that feel like her? It can be a good opportunity to prime her and get her to open up on what she likes/dislikes.

 

I just kind of get my expression in where I can. We got a Star Wars coloring book for Christmas so I've been doodling with that. (psst we're both awful artists)

 

Darron: Excuse?

 

It's kind of a "kid's thing" according to society but A. We're Millennials, we do what we want, and B. We're a tulpa system so we're odd ducks anyways. Drawing is just a fun exercise to be creative.

 

Darron: She drew a #1 Podracer foam finger as a replacement for Luke's hand. She's kind of hilarious.

 

So there's lots of avenues out there for expression. If The Sims feels kinda stale then just take a break for a while. There's no rule says you have to. Maybe she needs more active stimulation with piloting an avatar than managing one. In RPGs like New Vegas it does feel more immersive and "in the action" than sim games. Just try different things, see what she responds too. Ask her questions and to make decisions fro time to time. Maybe you could try chatting programs if that's your thing. We have textingstory on our phone to 'play text' to each other. There's a world of options out there.

 

Darron: So don't get too discouraged. It sounds like you're doing fantastic. Also I forgot if she really likes and responds to music follow that thread. Maybe have her build a playlist or two. Good luck you two!

 

Jaina: 🤗

Darron: Host 💍 

Jaina: Tulpa 💍

👨‍🍼👩‍🍼 Dain and Nova

Aggrok: Tulpa Void Dragon

Viktor: 🐺

[DeviantArt]

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21 hours ago, September13 said:

To put it even more simply: I need help with active forcing!

In my experience anything can be active forcing if you figure out how to make it, right? Months ago when I started, I also struggled to even get to two hours! (Maybe forcing in bed with Myo was not a good idea.) It took a little bit for Myo to do stuff beyond emotional responses and head pressures. During this time I would talk with her in a very chill environment drinking wonderland coffee and talking about my day, and I didn't know how to deal with intrusive thoughts so I would end up somehow talking about the tulpa process and my plans for her. Eventually I read a post by Mirichu. I realized I could active force playing video games with Myo! This doesn't just apply to video games, it applies to anything else you can think of, as long as it doesn't take up thinking power like doing long math. I would say finding any hobbies you like and turning them into active forcing when you feel like you want to, can be a really powerful thing. Time flies when you're having fun!

 

If you have trouble coming up with ideas that can help forcing sessions be long, expanding upon ones that you think might be good throughout the day in your personal notes might help. Like, "Oh, I think having Simmie wear this weird hat would be silly! I'll have to see how she reacts later."

21 hours ago, September13 said:

Should I stop playing with Simmie's avatar in the Sims?

Have you tried asking her? I rarely find myself dressing avatars up based on forms, since before I even was a tulpamancer, I would constantly change the form I associate with, and that could be annoying to keep up with sometimes. Myo seems to like how she is, but she also wants to play dress up sometime...

 

Also if they aren't expressive "enough," and you need to find compromises, ugh I feel you, someday there will be a game where I can type my response and it will work (Except Facade.) Usually games with silent protagonists help, like Undertale or Earthbound. Since you can easily visualize how they would react or fill in the blanks when boring things are happening, like walking through a forest, maybe Myo and I would be singing an exciting song to keep us motivated. Instead of being restricted to how the character is written. Even then you can ask Simmie to read the characters dialogue, kind of like dubbing something. I read a whole manga with Myo (admittedly I created her after I was a quarter way through.) When I became confident that she can communicate with me via mindvoice (That the voice is actually hers.) Instead of worrying about the character fitting Myo, I loosely did that. It was just us enjoying a good manga.

Hello! This is the host's tulpa's account. You can call me Ria!

 

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  • September13 changed the title to Determination - Simmie's Journey

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