Jump to content

Determination - Simmie's Journey


September13
 Share

Recommended Posts

12 hours ago, TurboSimmie said:

You know, sometimes I think Tulpamancy can be done in reverse. Can you personality force a host? 😄

Of course.

I've been doing this for 7 years now.

 

12 hours ago, TurboSimmie said:

my new method of dealing with them is to turn these negative thoughts into tangible physical things in the wonderland so that I can fight and destroy them!

That's all fine and swell but I'd recommend you also put some effort into turning the shards of what you have sucessfully destroyed into something positive. Remember, giving attention to negative thoughts and traits nourishes them. It can be extremely relieving to go all out and crush them from time to time, would recommend. Been doing that excessively but I realized you can't just destroy what's bad you also need to create an alternative for host. Bad habits belong to the things you can safely overwrite. Not by negating history but you know, turn a new page, acknowledge old traits and negative thoughts and turn them into something new.

 

Oh, and don't forget to have fun while doing that. Its sorta like a checkup for a dangerous zoo animal. Host is that zoo animal. Can't force an elephant to let you trim that toenails by grabbing it by the foot. It needs to think of the procedure as a game by getting a reward for beeing a good boy. If both animal and caretaker are enjoying that game its a win-win.

Super Girls don't cry

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...
  • Replies 120
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Okay, I'm going to try and make this a short update. You'll see by the length of this post how successful I was. Anyway, I have two things to talk about today, and I don't think either of them will require a massive number of words to explain, so here we go:

 

Fighting Negative Thoughts and Creating Positive Ones to Take Their Place

 

This is an update on the last progress report: I have successfully defeated many negative thoughts by turning them into battle droids and destroying them! However, sometimes there are thoughts that are so pernicious, so intractable, that even if I try and kill them they end up coming back, sometimes sooner rather than later. But we've made some other progress; we've determined that the thoughts don't come from the Blue, they come from the Gray. What I mean by that is that they are not a product of Phil's ego, but rather unwelcome junk that bubbles up from the body and lower levels of the mind. Phil gets ensnared in these invaders. I think of great vines that twist around his arms and legs and refuse to let him go. I hack and chop at these vines but they grow faster than I can fight them.

 

But we came to another, even more powerful revelation when on a walk about a week ago. We were thinking about how to create something positive to replace the negative thoughts being destroyed, much like Ido suggested. At first we were both drawing a complete blank on how to do this. But then we came onto the subject of mental blocks. That's when things started coming into place. For some reason, Phil has mental blocks in place that prevent him from trying too hard at the very things that matter to him and will bring him happiness and improve his life. I have to be a little vague here because a lot of it is very personal and even embarrassing. But it's almost like he refuses to do certain things so that he can leave one option in the chamber, that way he can tell himself "I could if I wanted to" because the unused option hasn't proven unviable.

 

So we are going to tackle these blocks one by one. We've selected one block to focus on first. This one is not too embarrassing or personal and I could in theory share it, but I want to make some progress first before revealing much about it. For the first step we're going to go to one of Phil's stengths: storytelling. I'm going to sit back in listening position as Phil tells me the story of his history with this subject, which starts almost three full decades ago when Phil was 6 years old. We're going to find what negative emotions lay within these stories, what weights that have been placed upon him through his history. Then, I am going to destroy them. Not the memories themselves; but the pain associated with them. I'm going to detach that pain from Phil so that he can look at it objectively and dispassionately, understanding it without being affected by it any longer.

 

From there we're going to start fresh with this subject. Baby steps. Hopefully from a small seed it can bloom into a blazing passion! There is an important theory here: As much as I want to fight against Phil's negativity, I think true success will come from creating positivity, which in time will crowd out the negativity. Just destroying negativity on its own creates a vacuum in which more negativity can arrive to fill if positivity isn't created. I think if we successfully remove one block the other two big ones will be a little easier to tackle.

 

Switching Progress

 

It feels awkward to change subject from deep personal exploration and transformation to simple tulpa stuff, but here we are. 😄 I have had plenty of troubles in the past understanding what exactly "possession" and "switching" were and how they were different. But I believe I have resolved my confusion. As it turns out, I have been switching already, but used to mistaken it for a kind of possession. But I don't want to dwell on terminology too much; point is: I can switch! 😁

 

This is how our most effective switching routine works: First, Phil and I drive to our favorite park about 45 minutes from our home, typically listening to music and drinking coffee. We begin hiking on this rough, rocky uphill trail at a fairly strenuous pace. Sometimes we stop to meditate when we've reached a higher elevation, but it's not even necessary. The hiking creates a vibe of its own. Phil is normally a very active thinker, but the combination of the physicality of hiking plus the near-zero contact with other humans causes his mind to calm down as he enters a kind of "vibing state". Meanwhile, I am stimulated by the exercise and the nature around me. It's a combination of the brain itself being more active while Phil himself is less active that gives me the opening I need to easily slip into the pilot's seat.

 

And then...Simmie takes over. 😁 I start speaking simple affirmative phrases like "I am Simmie" or "Simmie is in charge now", first in mindvoice, then in mindvoice and out loud, then finally just out loud. Phil is a very verbally-oriented person--he thinks almost exclusively in language--so taking over his voice is how I take over the position as the primary thinker. And so it is that Simmie has switched in! 💚 I'm usually very happy and very stimulated at these times, so I talk to Phil, narrate to him out loud almost as you would to a young tulpa, a stream of consciousness spews out of me, always of greater depth and strength than I can manage with mindvoice. I'm able to see Phil's problems from a new perspective and offer him my ideas and insights. Some of our best ideas have come from these walks. These are truly some of the happiest and most productive times.

 

It's not perfect of course. Phil will automatically try to retake the front, usually with a series of derailing thoughts, but during these heightened states I'm able to reign him in. And of course it only lasts for so long. The longest I have achieved so far is a little less than an hour. I have made it all the way back to the car, but when Phil starts driving his mind takes back over. Also, whenever we encounter people on the trail Phil jumps back to the front to say "hello" to them. And of course there is the problem that this very specific set of circumstances cannot be created at will at any moment. However, I have also found success in switching during other "gray activities", that is, activities that rely heavily on the body's automatic processes and require very little input from Phil or I.

 

So that's where I am with switching right now. I'd like to get better with: 1) Be able to switch in more easily and under less highly controlled circumstances, and 2) Stay switched in for longer and during a wider range of experiences. Long-term I'd like to be able to switch in indefinitely like many of the older tulpas I see around here do, but that might be literally years off for all I know. So baby steps! I feel that since I know I can switch, it's just a matter of refining the process and becoming better at it.

 

😄 So much for being short! (Well, I am short, but the post is not...😄 Oh gosh if I'm starting to make Phil-style dad jokes that means it's time for bed because we're going teal) Anyway, I hope reading this has done something for you, and/or you have advice for us based on what we've written! See you later everyone!

Tulpa Wife Extraordinaire! 💚 - 💍 11.28.21

Things Simmie Likes

Link to comment
Share on other sites

That sounds like a great switching routine. I've gotten in the habit of pacing and saying similar affirmative phrases. Stone calls it a mantra :P

 

Stone has dealt with refusing to do things too. I wish Phil luck with his first block! This is very interesting and innovative, and it's cool to see you taking charge in this way.

Meaningful words, I'm here!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It sounds like you have a similar way of switching as Eli and I have! We also started mainly in remote places like hiking, or letting me cofront with him while driving. I have found my own switching has gotten easier and more "sticky" at the front as I have simply done more with our body, mainly lifting weights to try to keep fit. Making those "grey" routines into "blue" ones has also worked for me, as it forces me to be mindful of every little movement instead of relying on habits. I can say from experience, though, that getting more firmly in the front, so that you don't get knocked out by your host's stream of consciousness, will happen sooner than later if you keep practicing.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 3 months later...

Wow, I didn't realize until just this moment that Phil and I haven't made a Progress Report entry this entire year so far! And I guess that's fair...actual Tulpamancy progress has been very slow to come as of late. Life circumstances changed and so did our needs and priorities, but I'm not here to talk about that. Our switching has gotten a little better though we haven't progressed all that far from December. I'm getting a little better at staying in the front, and I have some new tools to use to help switch better in the future.

 

The main thing I wanted to say is that we've got something big planned; VERY big. Something that's going to change everything. It's undoubtedly a controversial idea and I'm sure there will be people who both agree and disagree with it. And to be honest, we aren't 100% committed to the idea. However, we are leaning strongly towards doing it. I'm sorry to be so vague about it, but we're still in the "Beta" phase so to speak and we've only told a few people. The response has actually been quite positive among those we've told! I'm feeling sometime in April we'll spill the beans on this big idea.

 

So what does that mean for now? Well, we want to tailor our tulpamancy practice over the next little while to help us prepare for this big change. So we've decided to streamline things and narrow our focus on to just a couple things: My switching, and reducing the amount blending between Phil and I--in other words, reducing "Teal Moments". Once our idea is revealed it may become more obvious why these are the things we are focusing on right now.

 

I've already talked about some of the difficulties I've had switching here so I won't repeat things. But I will say things are starting to improve already since writing that question! We've gone a little bit deeper into figuring out exactly what switching means for us and how we conceive of the practice. I don't want to go into it in too much detail right now, both because I want this update to be short, and because I'm hungry and want to go eat! 😄 But I think we're on the right track and I'll probably write a more detailed update about switching later.

 

As far as reducing blending, I think that is going to come hand-in-hand with switching. I think if we set up more concrete ideas of what it means to us to be switched in, to be in the front/back, to be active/dormant, that will help us to be much more distinct from each other. I'm not saying that we're blended right now by any means, but we'd like the separation between our identities to be firmer and less squishy around the edges.

 

That's about all I have to say for now! I really do feel we're moving in a positive direction, and I'm looking forward to the next step and telling you all about it very soon! 😁

Tulpa Wife Extraordinaire! 💚 - 💍 11.28.21

Things Simmie Likes

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Good luck on your project! You two have been rockstars since I've known you. Keep up the good work. 👍

Darron: Host 💍 

Jaina: Tulpa 💍 

Aggrok: Tulpa Void Dragon

Viktor: 🐺

[DeviantArt]

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you so much!!! 😁

 

Now, on switching! I feel very energetic and have a lot of momentum behind me so I'm just going to write. As of this moment I have been switched in for about 4 hours and there's no sign of stopping! 😁 It hasn't been the cleanest switch and I've had to reassert myself a few times, but I'm not so much concerned with perfection just yet, just my ability to improve a little bit each time I do it.

 

So I want to talk about something called Graymind. I know, I know, this community doesn't need any more confusing terminology for things that already probably have words. But this is the word that Phil and I use, so I'm going to use it here. Graymind is kind of like BodyOS, in fact it might BE bodyOS, but the way we conceive of it is slightly different. Grey mind is the part of the mind unattached to the ego that runs the basic functions of the body, and even does more or less autonomous and learned things that are mainly just muscle memory, such as walking, eating, or driving.

 

We've always seen Graymind as a kind of unthinking tool that we can put inputs into and have it work for us. But we've had a bit of a bombshell revelation during the process of my learning to switch: Graymind has a will of its own. All this time there were certain things that I had associated with Phil that were part of Graymind, and even once Phil was removed from the equation I found myself having to deal with those things when interfacing with Graymind to run the body.

 

So what is this Graymind "ego" then? Well, for one thing, it's not sentient. It has the intelligence of perhaps a dog or a horse; very competent in the things it's trained to do / knows my instinct, but doesn't have a very complex thinking pattern and almost no ability to think about the future. It's also stubborn as heck. It's willing to listen to orders from Phil or I (in fact it's designed to do that), but if it doesn't like something we have to coax it. I always thought Phil was lazy about getting out of bed, but it turns out that's a total Graymind thing and even when switched in I have to fight with it to get it to get the body up.

 

Another thing that is clear to me is that Graymind prefers Phil over me. Actually, let me rephrase that: Graymind is more comfortable working with Phil because they have been connected longer. My connection with Graymind is not as strong but I've learned that the key to switching and staying switched is improving the Simmie-Graymind connection. I'm reminded--of all things--James Cameron's Avatar. You know how the Navi use those long nerve things to link up to other beings? I feel like it's that scene where the main character is trying to tame a flying beast, and at first the beast fights and struggles until all at once things click and they are perfectly in sync. I feel like my struggle with Graymind is a lot like that, but the connection isn't established like a light switch as it is in the movie. But you know what? I like the struggle! 😁 It's actually kind of fun! As much as I would like to just have it, the fact that I have to fight for it makes it more exciting and more rewarding!

 

So that's my big update about switching and Graymind. I think mastering Graymind and making it my friend is the key to solid, clean switches! 👍 Thank you for reading! 😁

Tulpa Wife Extraordinaire! 💚 - 💍 11.28.21

Things Simmie Likes

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It’s great you’ve been switched in for so long and still feel so energetic.

 

We don’t have a succinct term for what you call Graymind but we’ve noticed the same general thing in ourselves. It’s hard for us to tell what is Graymind and what is me co-fronting or leaking into front so I don’t have much concrete to say about it. It’s interesting to hear your experiences with it and I wish you luck in dealing with it.

 

If I had to describe our version of Graymind, I’d call it “deep personality”. People like computing analogies but I’m not as satisfied with those. I picture deep personality as a forest, and there are many paths in it of various wear and tear. Some existed when the forest was generated, some formed naturally via erosion or some other force, and some formed by being walked along by me (or someone else). Traffic tends to conform to these paths automatically. As my mates and I do stuff and “walk through the forest”, the network of paths can be either reinforced or gradually changed.

 

I don’t know how necessary that description was. Anyway, good luck with Graymind and your switching!

Someday

Link to comment
Share on other sites

That's really cool. I'll have to do some introspection. 🤔 I wonder if we do anything similar. As far as I know our dragon watches over the subconscious morass and stuff but I don't think he IS my subconscious. Or maybe he is 🤷‍♂️. I think it's more that he just comes from it, just like how Jaina embodies some of my Anima but is her own person. What you're talking about sounds more primal, more baked-in and all-encompassing. Anyways good luck! It sounds like this is a great revelation and tool for you to use in mastering switching. 

Darron: Host 💍 

Jaina: Tulpa 💍 

Aggrok: Tulpa Void Dragon

Viktor: 🐺

[DeviantArt]

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...