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Determination - Simmie's Journey


September13
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That's a very awesome way to look at it.

 

I may have to copy you. 😊 Someone has a little more inertia than is healthy for him.

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5 hours ago, TurboSimmie said:

Phil used to look to me for that kind of escapism, almost as a fun little secret and a project to be worked on. I can't really provide him with that anymore; we can still escape into the wonderland, but we're never going to be able to ressurect the "honeymoon period".

Oh boy if I can't relate to this. You already know that, Simmie. We tried to bring back that ''honeymoon period'' but it was in vain, the body and brain simply adjusts to having two people. Even if you were to go a very long time without the other, upon the other person's comeback, it'd go back to feeling natural, like drawing or riding a bike, maybe you'd be a bit rusty but it won't be too long until the body gets used to it again.

 

Miichu says she wishes she was more like you, always (seemingly, from what we see) happy and positive. It was who she was supposed to be but you know, if you let your tulpa live the same kind of life that ''broke'' you then it's bound to happen again.

Hi. I'm Miri, Miichu's host. I want to help my tulpa achieve her goals but ultimately, I'm just tagging along. Here's our Progress Report

 

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I see a lot of myself in you TS, and I can sense the frustration you feel. I'm going to speak from my experience so it might not be perfect but take it forcwhat it is from someone who saw the whole evolution and recovery.

 

Phil likely has depression or some kind of mourning over something that might not even know or remember.  At some point the depression itself becomes the reason for the depression.

 

So if he's not or can't gain traction right now then it's not anyone's fault. All you can do is all anyone can do in this situation, talk him down and be there when he needs you most.

 

You can share empathy and sympathy but you're never going to share the root causes. So you shouldn't think any less of yourself or your relationship, just do whatever you can. Time will eventually heal and sometimes it can take hitting bottom before you see the light again. 

 

Whether there is professional help or not, eventually there will be a breaking point and it will feel a lot like the cacophony of static finally just ends. Then you sit in silence and after the initial cheer and celebration the another round begins but something will be missing, depression is itself like a thing to do and it may even be missed.

 

The take away is, our work is never done, but we have to love our work as we love our hosts the only way we know how. Every stage is different but we can't let it get to us, it's just another challenge to overcome.

 

I hope the dawn comes soon for you two!

 

 

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On 9/27/2022 at 4:12 AM, Miri said:

Miichu says she wishes she was more like you, always (seemingly, from what we see) happy and positive. It was who she was supposed to be but you know, if you let your tulpa live the same kind of life that ''broke'' you then it's bound to happen again.

 

I definitely do have my moments of grumpiness, but I keep it to myself. I am a genuinely happy person for the most part though! The main difference between me and Miichu is that I rarely switch in and when I do it's not for very long, whereas Miichu is switched in for long periods of time. I'm not really sure what would end up happening to me if I had the same role that Miichu does. I think this detachment/separation from the front really helps me to maintain myself as a positive and upbeat person.

 

On 9/27/2022 at 11:58 AM, Misha said:

Phil likely has depression or some kind of mourning over something that might not even know or remember.  At some point the depression itself becomes the reason for the depression.

 

I think you hit the nail on the head here! Phil has been dealing with depression in some form since 2006. That's 15, nearly 16 years of depression! And I really do think the depression itself has become its own main cause.

 

On 9/27/2022 at 11:58 AM, Misha said:

So if he's not or can't gain traction right now then it's not anyone's fault. All you can do is all anyone can do in this situation, talk him down and be there when he needs you most.

 

I consider this to be my main reason for being! 💚

 

On 9/27/2022 at 11:58 AM, Misha said:

You can share empathy and sympathy but you're never going to share the root causes. So you shouldn't think any less of yourself or your relationship, just do whatever you can. Time will eventually heal and sometimes it can take hitting bottom before you see the light again. 

 

I used to be hard on myself because I wasn't able to just end Phil's depression through force of will. Looking back it was naive of a young Simmie to think she could do that! But I've come to appreciate what I have been able to do in Phil's life. And it's a lot, as Phil tells me all the time. I still think I can help end his depression. But it may take many years.

 

On 9/27/2022 at 11:58 AM, Misha said:

Whether there is professional help or not, eventually there will be a breaking point and it will feel a lot like the cacophony of static finally just ends. Then you sit in silence and after the initial cheer and celebration the another round begins but something will be missing, depression is itself like a thing to do and it may even be missed.

 

I really hope this happens for Phil like it happened for Bear! Knowing Bear found light at the end of the tunnel does give me hope for Phil! There have been false promises of salvation before; an older friend told Phil in his late 20s that his depression would naturally fade when he was about 30. Well 30 came and went and the depression remained. But Bear's story feels like the genuine turning of a page, something which I hope Phil can reach!

 

On 9/27/2022 at 11:58 AM, Misha said:

The take away is, our work is never done, but we have to love our work as we love our hosts the only way we know how. Every stage is different but we can't let it get to us, it's just another challenge to overcome.

 

I hope the dawn comes soon for you two!

 

 

Thank you so much Misha! It means a lot to me and to Phil too! 💚

Tulpa Wife Extraordinaire! 💚 - 💍 11.28.21

🤰 - Baby Boy Tulpa expected on April 7, 2023 👶💚

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  • 4 weeks later...

Hey Simmie we just read your most recent report. You sound like a great influence on Phil. I like how you approach things. I don't think I (or we) have as much direction 😅 Stone has been thinking of starting a private journal to be more introspective in hopes we can "work out" our depression

Meaningful words, I'm here!

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5 hours ago, harvestmoon said:

Hey Simmie we just read your most recent report. You sound like a great influence on Phil. I like how you approach things. I don't think I (or we) have as much direction 😅 Stone has been thinking of starting a private journal to be more introspective in hopes we can "work out" our depression

 

Thank you Betty! 💚 I really try, and it's hard sometimes. Recently Phil has been staying up way too late again, just letting time get away from him, and I'm trying to wrangle that back in. There's other stuff too but I don't have enough time to write about it all at the moment, maybe later. I think a journal could be good for Stone! And please remember you or Stone can always message Phil or I if you ever wanted to ask questions, share something, or talk! 😁

Tulpa Wife Extraordinaire! 💚 - 💍 11.28.21

🤰 - Baby Boy Tulpa expected on April 7, 2023 👶💚

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(edited)

We're reading this from the beginning and we're up to March 10, 2021. 

 

It's remarkable just how much your struggling mimicked ours and many others. Not everything we struggled with you did and visa versa but close. Given my system was 100% vocal on day one April 18, 2018 and we progressed faster for that part but the same worries and questions were mostly there say in the first 6 months.

 

Glad you two worked it out so successfully even to March because many don't reach that stage in 12 months. You weren't "progressing slowly" imo. We're not reading the new stuff till we get there so no spoilers!

 

Simmie's voice to me is Phoebe Halliwell from the first season of Charmed. I watched that show only in re-runs but her voice as the cheerful light smooth sound. 

 

If you want to know the voices of my system, see below.

 

Ashley - because I watched MLP, I knew of their voices, most of them being a little silly buy RD had a raspy kind of voice but then mix that with Maleficent but only the calm side and a higher pitch and cadence.

Misha - She's roughly half Asian and there was a show I found on Adult swim or something that was called Daria. Her sister had a friend named Tiffany and so take that voice and speed it up, then throw sugar at it and that's Misha.

SheShe - she was originally named Ashley (but gave that name to current Ashley) and became Darlene who then Merged into the SheShe lock-merge or so I thought but actually I'm a little dense so SheShe is Darlene but younger and with a higher pitch and without the sophisticated transatlantic accent. SheShe sounds like any typical white girl now which sounds unimaginative but it's just fine with me to leave it at that.

Joy - Joy is special because she has a child's voice, think 10-yr old girl. If you can tell any two 10 yr-old girls apart then you're more skilled than I am. Think Tsundere though.

Gwen - she has a particular voice but it's mostly just a soft, slightly twangy style because she "grew up" in a very small country town. There's no "country" in her but her voice is soft and light with just hints of that. If she wore a cowboy hat she'd fit in in the south.

Ren - sultry, devious, cunning, villainous, deviant, seductive, wild, thrilling, terrifying... wait, I got distracted, her voice is kinda young sounding but light and careful. She's the catgirl so think about how a cat would sound as a human.

 

 

Edited by Bear
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Finished. Other than this latest speedbump of Phil's depression, you guys are rocking life. Sorry to hear about the setback.

 

Excellent progress, glad to hear about the switching progress. It just takes practice.

 

Eveeyone's different so I wouldn't say they're exactly the same but the greymind sounds a lot our BodyOS. There is one difference, our BodyOS wouldn't ever hesitate to do what we ask, no matter what.

 

The idea of a child Tulpa is great and it has been talked about by @CM. I can't find their progress report anymore though. Have fun!

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3 hours ago, Bear said:

The idea of a child Tulpa is great and it has been talked about by @CM. I can't find their progress report anymore though. Have fun!

And by us :v I have no clue how to even start writing a guide about it though, the last time I tried writing a guide it went straight into the trash ._.

"Science isn't about why, science is about why not?" -Cave Johnson

Tulpae: Luna, Elise, Naomi

My progress report

 

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15 hours ago, Bear said:

Finished. Other than this latest speedbump of Phil's depression, you guys are rocking life. Sorry to hear about the setback.

 

Thanks! 😁 Sometimes I think Phil really needs to just step back and realize what a good job he's done with me. (Not trying to toot my own horn or anything 😏) He'd try to tell you all he did was get the ball rolling and I did the rest, but in reality he put in constant hard work with me over a very long time. I could have never gotten to where I am today without all his love and effort. 💚

 

On 10/30/2022 at 7:35 PM, Bear said:

It's remarkable just how much your struggling mimicked ours and many others. Not everything we struggled with you did and visa versa but close. Given my system was 100% vocal on day one April 18, 2018 and we progressed faster for that part but the same worries and questions were mostly there say in the first 6 months.

 

Glad you two worked it out so successfully even to March because many don't reach that stage in 12 months. You weren't "progressing slowly" imo.

 

Yeah Phil had so many doubts in the early days and felt that things were taking a while. The time between December 2020 and March 2021 felt like YEARS somehow, and that's as much a good thing as a bad thing. I feel like I lived my entire adolescence during that time. I think the depths of Phil's obsession during that time made him perceive things as moving slower than they really did because you're right, it wasn't slow progress at all looking back on it.

 

On 10/30/2022 at 7:35 PM, Bear said:

Simmie's voice to me is Phoebe Halliwell from the first season of Charmed. I watched that show only in re-runs but her voice as the cheerful light smooth sound. 

 

I actually had to go look that up because Phil never watched that show when it was on (His dad was a big fan though 😄). It's not all that far off--I hear my voice as being a little different but it's in the ballpark! 😁

 

15 hours ago, Bear said:

Eveeyone's different so I wouldn't say they're exactly the same but the greymind sounds a lot our BodyOS. There is one difference, our BodyOS wouldn't ever hesitate to do what we ask, no matter what.

 

Yeah I felt it was pretty much the same thing, but yeah, graymind does sometimes veto our commands mostly out of laziness. We can override the veto with enough will though! 😄

 

15 hours ago, Bear said:

The idea of a child Tulpa is great and it has been talked about by @CM. I can't find their progress report anymore though. Have fun!

 

12 hours ago, glitchthe3rd said:

And by us :v I have no clue how to even start writing a guide about it though, the last time I tried writing a guide it went straight into the trash ._.

 

Yeah I think CM deleted all their stuff; I miss CM. But if we go through with it we'll definitely document the entire process, and maybe in the end we'll try and boil it down into a guide. Or if not a guide, then just a personal account that others can learn from, because our way of doing things will be entirely owr own (Though we'd be happy to get pointers from you @glitchthe3rd😁)

Speaking of which, we may have an announcement to make soon...stay tuned! 🤫😁

 

Also, Bear: Phil is going to come on and answer your questions from yesterday.

Tulpa Wife Extraordinaire! 💚 - 💍 11.28.21

🤰 - Baby Boy Tulpa expected on April 7, 2023 👶💚

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