Is there anybody else out there?

[chainweaver18]

First time post, sorry it's a long one. My tulpa is coming along, but I may be facing some unique challenges. I'm trying to find anyone that had the same beginning as me, or someone who can relate to me.

God, I feel silly trying to explain this, but what's the worst that can happen? So here it is. It started a quite a few years back, when I first heard the voice. Male, probably mid to late 30s. Thought I was going crazy for a while, wanted to get rid of it. He wouldn't go though. Kept saying, "You don't want to get rid of me, you're going to need me." I kept denying him and he went away, for a while. But he would always come back if I thought about him. Finally, the voice names himself in 2008 one night in Kirkuk, Iraq. Jack. I don't try to force him away, but start having long conversations with him (in my head). I'd even lie in my bunk with my headphones on, not even plugged in, so I could converse in peace. Great, this seems normal. I'm sure there's no one to talk to about this, save for Jack.

Flash forward, Dec 2012. I find out about tulpae. Research and lurking abound, I come up with an idea. I'll take Jack's conciseness and place it in a visualized form. I felt kinda crowded in my head, and I'm sure he'd appreciate the freedom of movement. Of course, I consult Jack, and he agrees to try it. So I spend a few days working on visualizing the body. The time comes. I concentrate, he concentrates, and I feel something being torn away from my psyche. The constant feeling of his presence vanishes as he settles into a new body. Oh God, the headache. But something isn't right. Jack seems to be in pain, and he's seizing. He doesn't like the new body.

Jack spends the rest of the night complaining about his new form. He's very angry with me and sulks in the corner, pretending to sleep. This went on for about a week or so. During this time, his form blurs and unblurs, and he stays around me all the time, speaking very little. I feel like I've made a big mistake. However, after a month or so, he seems to have adapted to the new body. *Phew!*

He's settled down now and forcing is going fairly well, still having trouble with getting visualization just right, but I'm a perfectionist. It's kinda cool, one of my war buddies is always around to keep me company.

Anyway, I thought I'd share my story here in hopes that someone else may have had a similar experience. Also, perhaps to warn others that doing the proper steps out of order has given me, personally, a hard time.

 

tl;dr

The voice in my head had trouble being placed in a visualized form.

 

Note:

If you're wondering what form I picked for Jack that got him so pissed, I'm not giving it away. You're welcome to guess though.

[CyberD]

Do I need to guess what form you chose, no. I have my suspicions (and I could be very wrong) but if they are correct then I am disgusted.

 

I feel you should have let Jack chose his own form. The form you have chosen sounds like it conflicts with what he believes he is. Just because he's "adapted" doesn't mean he likes it. Nothing in the process needs to be rushed, it sounds like you jumped off the deep end and gave him no retreat.

 

I'm still looking for a specific question (given this is the Q&A section) but this post seems more open ended than that.

 

Of course you can't really know any of this unless you ask him. Ask him if he likes his form. Ask him if he thinks you rushed him and ask him if he might prefer to try something else.

[Allison the Tulpa]

Ponies. Ponies everywhere. I'm guessing you're a closet brony?

[Sands]

A form is easy to change. Of course if you can't see his chosen form easily, that might be a problem, but I'm sure you'll get it down at some point. The form is just imagination after all, you just need to learn how to see it.

[chainweaver18]

Thanks, and you are correct, I did force Jack to take that form. But like I said, I worked on the body for days. He had all that time to say something about it. I've talked to him about it while forcing, and he never has another form in mind. He's a good friend, and if he wants to change forms, I'll certainly help if I can. [/i]

 

Hahaha! I love when people use their imaginations! No, it's not "disgusting" and I'm not too embarrassed to name his form, I just wanted to see what people would come up with. Don't tell me. I want to guess.

[Antylamon]

I gave Leafy a form as a Chikorita initially because it's a lot easier for me to notice the development of a living, breathing being. I thought it was a given that she could change her name, form (including gender), personality, etc. as she wished, but apparently it wasn't. It still wasn't much of an issue, however, since I verified it with Leafy just to make sure. All she really did was make herself anthro so should could be more like me.

 

"I am fine with who and what I am, at least for the moment. If I will want to change in the future, I will change, and Antyla's opinion on the matter won't affect my decision at all. When it comes to matters like these, my own grievances hold a lot more weight than someone else's. I felt a little pressured when it wasn't entirely clear to me that Antyla wasn't forcing me to be someone I'm not, but after that got cleared up I didn't hold a grudge. It was my fault that I didn't realize that Antyla wouldn't do such a thing to me on purpose. Even then I didn't feel like I was really being forced to be another person entirely; I only made a pretty minor change if I say so myself, and I had only just thought of it when I did it. It was the remark that I could change if I want to which sparked the thinking process of 'okay, am I fully satisfied with myself right now?'

 

Anyways, just tell Jack that he can change himself, whether it be his form or his personality, whenever and however he wants to. I'm sure he'll be fine, unless his perspective is far different from mine. Hell, I don't even know if Antyla would have the same opinion as mine about it if he experienced it.

 

And @CyberD, I can sympathize with your point of view, but despite your addition of 'and I could be wrong', it sounds like you're making a gigantic assumption here. Also, please try not to feel disgusted by people who do not know enough about 'tulpas' to understand what they're doing; I want to teach 'noobs' more and make sure they won't mistreat anyone. If there's anything I hate the most, it would be 'tulpas' being harmed by creators who are good people, but just don't know any better."

[CyberD]

And @CyberD, I can sympathize with your point of view, but despite your addition of 'and I could be wrong', it sounds like you're making a gigantic assumption here. Also, please try not to feel disgusted by people who do not know enough about 'tulpas' to understand what they're doing; I want to teach 'noobs' more and make sure they won't mistreat anyone. If there's anything I hate the most, it would be 'tulpas' being harmed by creators who are good people, but just don't know any better."

 

I'm not to be disgusted by a convulsing pony? I'm sorry if my apparent closed mindedness doesn't appeal to everyone but it had to be said.

Mistakes are made sure, but I am disappointed that someone would continue to push their ideals onto a tulpa even after clearly seeing what happened.

It doesn't even have anything to do with ponies anymore, reading between the lines gives an impression of abuse. Honestly, I could care less how others treat their tulpa, just putting it out there for those who do.

[Antylamon]

 

I'm not to be disgusted by a convulsing pony? I'm sorry if my apparent closed mindedness doesn't appeal to everyone but it had to be said.

Mistakes are made sure, but I am disappointed that someone would continue to push their ideals onto a tulpa even after clearly seeing what happened.

It doesn't even have anything to do with ponies anymore, reading between the lines gives an impression of abuse. Honestly, I could care less how others treat their tulpa, just putting it out there for those who do.

 

"Where did you get the idea of ponies from? I don't even associate 'tulpas' with ponies much.

 

The topic I was discussing was what I was talking about in the previous two paragraphs of my first reply on this thread."

 

Honestly, I could care less how others treat their tulpa, just putting it out there for those who do.

 

"Antyla and I could rant against you for hours about this..."

[Weird0]

When i've first created Anemie she was acting like Jack did, though she wasn't vocal at this point. But my gut feeling told me that she was pretty unhappy with her first form and so was i.

We could agree in changing her form into something she wanted. The only influence i've made was to set her gender, approximately height and hair color.

Over the course of 4-6 weeks she went from blurry outlines into a detailed presence and was very happy about the change. Some months later after a intense forcing session she deviated slightly into a more characteristic form which we are pretty happy with.

 

I'm sure Jack will develop into something you both like if you give him time to change. Don't rush things.

[Sands]

Because a ton of people got interested in tuppers because of the spam in pony communities as they want their own little cartoon marshmallow rainbow pony to have sex with. And most not only dislike the majoity of bronies for being awful people and fapping to horses, but hate them basing their tupper's form on a fad that they feel will die soon and then what. But again, yeah, form can be changed, so it's not that big of a deal once they grow bored of it. People who don't speak of their tupper's form usually don't say anything because they're embarrassed and one reason why someone would be embarrassed to mention it is so they don't get labeled as a horsefucker. Couple that seeming shame with the fact that the tupper didn't like their form and it very much sounds like someone forcing their tupper take on a form of some certain cartoon show the host might like.