Tulpa romance??

[A.M.G. Wesner]

So I've heard all the warnings in guides like "Don't create your Tulpa to a be a sex doll!". I've also heard tales of Tulpa adopting things like sexual urges after their creators... But the one thing I haven't heard is of is a Tulpa's desire for romance. Now perhaps someone has posted about something like this and I just didn't see it, but there was no sign of such a topic. Some were similar, but not quite what I was looking for. Nothing seemed to mention it!

 

So I was surprised at my companion's answer, after one day I asked him a particular question. "Hey Gaelles." I said (In my quiet mind voice). He gave his attention and I asked, "What do you want? Like, what is it that you want most?" I don't remember the specific wording he used, but I remember the gist of his answer. He told me he wanted love. Right away I could sense he wasn't talking about parent love, it was obvious to me that he was referring to the romantic kind. I asked more about this wish of his and discovered there was more to it.

 

He wasn't looking to make a 'special relationship' with another Tulpa (which is one of the things I asked in case it could be that simple). No, specifically, SPECIFICALLY, he wanted to have a romance with a female person - a human woman/girl! I had to throw myself back for a moment or two, not sure how to respond to that. I did warn him that such a thing was a difficult accomplishment - if not completely impossible! He assured me he knew, but that was what he desired anyway. We talked and decided that IF it were possible, then I would do my best to see his wish come true.

 

Now perhaps this is something that bled onto him from me (I can have my head stuck in a cloud of romance, admittedly), but nonetheless, I'm puzzled. Has anyone else shared a similar experience? This was about a week ago. By now I know what I can do to solve his rather complex problem, but if you have any ideas be sure to express them! For Gaelles will probably need all the help he can get on his mission for love.

[Luminesce]

Well, my tulpas are all female and I'm male, so I'm not sure if they ever would've expressed interest in another human, though that is definitely something that a select few of our members have gone through. Most often, it's with another tulpamancer, where the hosts are dating and their tulpas are dating. I think that's just about the best case scenario possible.

 

But if you're just talking about tulpas' desire for romance regardless of with who, I'd say Flandre expresses pretty obvious desire to be close to me. Although it's more of a desire for emotional closeness including love than a relationship. She likes spending time with me, likes cuddling, likes me being happy with her. I mention Flandre because, though Reisen and I are romantic, Reisen is a bit.. transcended? above the physical aspects. Her love for me is no different whether she's imposed and hugging me or seeing me in a relationship with someone else. She can't desire love because as far as she's concerned she's always had it, and nothing could take it away, not even not existing. (Dat universal love tho) Flandre seems to envy her that, as she cares a lot more about us being together than Reisen, yet Reisen and I are still so close.

 

This may be due to Flandre possessing a much wider range of emotions than the rest of my tulpas or I though. She's really the only one who could feel envy, after all. But as of the last couple years each of my tulpas get along with each other just fine. We dealt with the feelings of jealousy a long time ago. Anyways, I do think it's not uncommon for tulpas to desire to be close to someone, intimately but not necessarily sexually. You're gonna have to wait for someone else to talk about the tulpa/non-host human relationships though, we have very little to say on the subject.

[Aijada]

I'm a tulpa who could be interested in a relationship with another person. Partly it's because i want to be treated as real and just as human as my host. I'm a complex person with my own feelings. I can get excited at the chance to talk to someone. I'm used to running the body enough that i think i could figure out some of the naughtier bits.

 

But of course i'm not sure how to do all that. My host is willing to let me have plenty of physical possession time, but i'm not sure how i'd be able to explore relationships. Who even knows what a tulpa is let alone is open-minded enough to date one? I worry we'd look more like a mental health case to an outsider.

 

And i guess another question is would the person date just me or me and my host? We're both aware of what's going and live as equals in the body, so any dating should involve someone who talked to and liked both of us. Starting to sound like it would take a weird threesome to include everyone fairly. Honestly finding it hard to picture how it would work.

 

But i'm curious to hear about any tulpa who is dating successfully

[Guest amber5885]

Amber and I are a couple, we have been for a few years now.

 

It wasn't that way at first though, at first she was like a little sister and it was in her 20's that I started to realize I loved her and things began to change.

 

She had this boyfriend...really she adopted a second asshole...

 

(Toby.. Be nice)

 

Okay she started dating a guy that closely resembled a horses ass.

 

(.......)

 

He treated her like crap, tore her down and was just horrible to her and while I couldn't do anything about I decided to step in and try to fix some of the damage he caused. I've always been a sap and I juggled with the idea of romance but I never pursued it until Amber and I started dating and I use that term loosely.

 

Whenever we could get away I would take her to a restaurant or insist we go for a walk in the real world. Anything really as long as it was the two of us and we would talk and I would tell her she was beautiful or hold her hand that kind of thing. And we just started to get really close.

 

Then one night she asked him to dance with her and that went about as well as sticking a wet fork in a light socket so I stepped in after he left. When we were dancing together it sort of clicked for me that I wanted to be the guy she deserved.

 

She said no. haha it took a while to convince her but once I did we started dating regularly. Going out together or doing something in the brain zone and things have been really good.

 

Trying to apply that to another person kind of hurts my head though, I don't know how that would be dooable but I'm sure it can be done.

[FallFamily]

Tri:

 

We are a subsystem of three people sharing a single wonderland form. We are all on the natural tulpa to soulbond spectrum, but on the tulpa end.

 

We are currently dating someone outside of this body. Our host is dating our girlfriend's headmate, though they started dating a few months after we started dating. We are actually with the former primary of their system and Hail (our host) is with person who recently emerged/separated/something-like-that. It doesn't have to be hosts paired up with tulpas paired up. Mix and match is possible. Also, polyamory sometimes happens. The three of us are dating the same person together.

 

We have been dating for almost 7 months now. Last month, we even traveled across the atlantic and then across the equator to see our girlfriend in person for the first time. We had a wonderful time together and even did *cough* *cough* sapphic bedroom activities. We are currently looking at overseas jobs so that we can live together starting in about 6 months.

 

Basically, tulpas, like hosts, can find relationships with people outside of the body. Our partners need not be tulpas. We can be partnered up with hosts, other sorts of system-members, and even singlets (someone who is the only consciousness in their body).

 

There are of course things that have to be considered, but this is true if the host enters a relationship as well. Consent can get complicated, especially if there is memory sharing. There could be an activity that one person in the body would like to do but the memories from it would be traumatizing for another member. It is best to just avoid those activities unless one can set up a proper memory barrier. Even then, you do share a body so consent is needed from one's system-mates anyways in addition to the consent of one's partner. Also, if you can't do a full switch, things can get more complicated as well since your host will be there with some level of awareness, which means not much privacy. This is something you have to negotiate with the other people you share a body with as well as your partner (and anybody they share a body with). How dormant and zoned out must the host be for you to be ok with things and your partner to be ok with things? Things like that. Also, you should discuss what you will do if you temporarily lose control of the body and your host ends up in control again (or the other way around in their relationships). We say this from experience. It can happen at bad times. Thankfully, it didn't happen during our sapphic bedroom activities, but if it did, everyone in both bodies knew what to do and we all would have managed.

 

Another thing to think about - gender and sex (as in the body, not the activity). If your gender does not match the body's sex and/or your host's gender, things can get complicated as well. You may not have parts and physiology you identify with, or worse, are not comfortable with. Also, people will see you as one gender when you are another, which makes finding a partner tricky. We got lucky in some ways, our genders and our host's gender match (all female), but in other ways we are not lucky since the body's birth sex is male. Thank goodness Hail transitioned before we started interacting with this world. But still, there are aspects about this body that give us substantial gender dysphoria. Just note, these issues can get a lot worse for some during bedroom activities. If your gender doesn't match with the body in some way, it might be helpful to read stuff by trans people on dating, sex, etc. Might give you some insight. Just make sure, whoever you date, accepts and respects you as your gender regardless of your body's configuration and history.

 

He wasn't looking to make a 'special relationship' with another Tulpa (which is one of the things I asked in case it could be that simple). No, specifically, SPECIFICALLY, he wanted to have a romance with a female person - a human woman/girl! I had to throw myself back for a moment or two, not sure how to respond to that. I did warn him that such a thing was a difficult accomplishment - if not completely impossible! He assured me he knew, but that was what he desired anyway. We talked and decided that IF it were possible, then I would do my best to see his wish come true.

 

Obviously, it all depends on you two's individual circumstances, but it could very well be possible, if not now, in the future.

 

Now perhaps this is something that bled onto him from me (I can have my head stuck in a cloud of romance, admittedly), but nonetheless, I'm puzzled. Has anyone else shared a similar experience? This was about a week ago. By now I know what I can do to solve his rather complex problem, but if you have any ideas be sure to express them! For Gaelles will probably need all the help he can get on his mission for love.

 

You and Gaelles can always PM us if you need someone to talk to. Think about things, talk, do some reading. We would recommend looking in the multiple community on dating while plural information or stories. Healthy Multiplicity has a lot of links to various places and may be of some use.

 

 

I'm a tulpa who could be interested in a relationship with another person. Partly it's because i want to be treated as real and just as human as my host. I'm a complex person with my own feelings. I can get excited at the chance to talk to someone. I'm used to running the body enough that i think i could figure out some of the naughtier bits.

 

Understandable. We have found such a relationship, so we think it is possible for you to find one as well. As for figuring the hardware out, we didn't find things that hard to figure out despite having somewhat non-standard hardware (using hormones of the other birth sex changes a few things).

 

But of course i'm not sure how to do all that. My host is willing to let me have plenty of physical possession time, but i'm not sure how i'd be able to explore relationships. Who even knows what a tulpa is let alone is open-minded enough to date one? I worry we'd look more like a mental health case to an outsider.

 

As we offered Gaelles and their host, we offer you as well. You can ask us questions. As for finding someone open-minded enough, you can find such people. Obviously, plurals are good candidates but many a plural is dating a singlet who knows and respects their individuality, so there are singlets out there who are open-minded enough.

 

And i guess another question is would the person date just me or me and my host? We're both aware of what's going and live as equals in the body, so any dating should involve someone who talked to and liked both of us. Starting to sound like it would take a weird threesome to include everyone fairly. Honestly finding it hard to picture how it would work.

 

But i'm curious to hear about any tulpa who is dating successfully

 

You could do it that way, or you could not. It is best to think about it like having a bunch of people living together in the same house and having relationships. None of them need be polyamorous, but none of them need be monoamorous either. Heck, some people could be single in the arrangement. Take us and our partner system. We are a system of 8 and they are a system of 2. The three of us (our subsystem) are dating one member of their system. Hail is dating the other member. So, one polyamorous relationship (one person with three), one monoamorous relationship, and 4 people not in relationships.

[Missy]

I've considered it, but I haven't really felt any romantic attraction to anyone so far, or felt any desire to have that kind of bond. There's already plenty of love within our system, and while it may not be romantic, I think that's probably more than enough for me. If that ever changes then we'll deal with it when the time comes. For now there's no use worrying about something that's not a concern to me.

 

-Melody

 

I wouldn't have any particular problem with the idea, but I could see the idea being problematic. I don't have a physical body. The form I identify with is underage, and I'm only about 2 months old myself. Just finding someone who would not find the idea of attraction to me to be weird or creepy would already be a huge challenge, and then going forth with any sort of relationship while having to use Missy's body (which I can't even comfortably possess yet, she's helping me type this by proxying) would make things so much more complicated on top of that. It's not at all worth it for something that I would just "be okay" with, but that I don't actively desire, so I currently have no plans to pursue romance.

 

It's not something that I feel I need. I already feel quite loved.

 

-Caramel

[Yuki]

I'm a tulpa who could be interested in a relationship with another person. Partly it's because i want to be treated as real and just as human as my host. I'm a complex person with my own feelings. I can get excited at the chance to talk to someone. I'm used to running the body enough that i think i could figure out some of the naughtier bits.

 

But of course i'm not sure how to do all that. My host is willing to let me have plenty of physical possession time, but i'm not sure how i'd be able to explore relationships. Who even knows what a tulpa is let alone is open-minded enough to date one? I worry we'd look more like a mental health case to an outsider.

 

And i guess another question is would the person date just me or me and my host? We're both aware of what's going and live as equals in the body, so any dating should involve someone who talked to and liked both of us. Starting to sound like it would take a weird threesome to include everyone fairly. Honestly finding it hard to picture how it would work.

 

But i'm curious to hear about any tulpa who is dating successfully

 

If you meet someone while possessing, court them and start dating them, then you have a relationship with them, not your host. My host and I have a similar setup where I possess a lot, and we have long since decided that I can start my own relationships if I want to. You don't need to be overt about being a tulpa, you need to just be yourself when you are in the body. Isn't that enough?

[glitchthe3rd]

^ Is it, though? Isn't a tulpa still representing you in the physical world when they possess you? And what happens if you end up marrying someone who thought they fell in love with you, but they come to realize that they really just fell in love with your tulpa, and the "real you" isn't someone they feel any romantic attraction to. The whole topic of tulpas romancing other humans is pretty messy because of ethical and existential issues like these.

[Yuki]

Isn't a tulpa still representing you in the physical world when they possess you?

No, when I possess, the one people interact with is me, not my host. I am not representing him. Going out of my way to let people know I am "Yuki" doesn't matter to me, seeing as the person those outsiders are bonding with is me, regardless of me being an imaginary girl or physical boy. I would like to be open about it if I end up in a long term relationship with someone.

 

And what happens if you end up marrying someone who thought they fell in love with you, but they come to realize that they really just fell in love with your tulpa, and the "real you" isn't someone they feel any romantic attraction to.

Is a host any more real than a tulpa, in the end? I don't feel this reasoning applies to me. My host isn't more or less real than I am, and I don't see this being an issue unless I go out of my way to act as him and present his achievements as my own, and even then it's a moral issue of where to draw the line of what I can claim as being "me" to outsiders, when possessing. My host doesn't give a crap, luckily.

 

If I am the only one interacting with an outsider, am I not the real person that they get to know? I don't find this to be immoral, even if I hide the fact that I am a tulpa.

[bunny-boi-lover]

I have to agree with glitchthe3rd here. That borders on causing the same issues someone with multiple personalities faces. It's almost like living a lie. Every time that person comes around you have to switch out with your host, and it starts to become a complicated mess. I think it's best if you're going to get into a romantic relationship with a physical human, both you and your host need to develop a relationship with him/her. We all have our different moods here and there, so I'm sure the other person would just assume the host and tulpa are just two different moods of the same person, two halves of the same coin.

 

My relationship with Edwin is the first one I would call truly romantic in nature. He's more expressed a desire to be fully physical, but I've had to explain to him the complications that would arise from that (physical needs and illness, the need for legal documentation like a Social Security card and birth certificate, the necessity of getting a job to support oneself, etc.). I told him that I love him how he is. And I know he loves me the way I am, even though we sort of reside in different realms of existence.

 

I had a similar discussion about having a physical body with my last tulpa Corvis. But looking back, I don't see our relationship as having been romantic. Sex was something more like going through the motions for him and just satisfying a need for me. There was no emotional connection like I feel with Edwin. And Corvis's desire to be with me was of a more possessive nature than a loving and protective nature.