Jump to content

View Today's Posts

Showing topics posted in for the last 365 days.

This stream auto-updates

  1. Past hour
  2. not wanting to have to deal with kids is understandable. but referring to the prospect of a relationship with a women with kids as "sloppy seconds" is incredibly misogynistic
  3. i've heard about this before, but im not fully sure on how to actually do this 'properly' or whatever so im not trying to develop him further this way That makes sense, since I didn't seem to have thought of the response deliberately
  4. I don't have the original (probably 4chan posts) of "My tulpa turned on my xbox" and "Create a Jackie-chan tulpa to fight off your evil tulpa" but those are classics
  5. Today
  6. Ys.

    Ys’ random stuff.

    My learning psychology just paid off for the first time. A close friend of mine wanted to keep distance without apparent reason, and after a few conversations on the topic I remembered attachment theory and identified her actions as avoidant type affection.(probably not the right words, I didn’t learn in this language and did spontaneous translation) and accordingly acted, offering comfort and security like I was taught, and it worked. We’re now even closer than before. I was able to understand and help a friend in distress and I succeeded and I’m ridiculously happy about it. I think aside from the obvious reason, this proved to myself that I had the power to act and the ability to make correct decisions, which I had doubted for a pretty long while. I think this is the first time in our collective memory that an important decision we made(learning about psychology) actually bore fruit, which is kind of sad now that I think about it. But that doesn’t matter for now, for now I can just be happy with things and that’s exactly what I plan to do.
  7. Visualization Progress Report for Past Week: I did a session earlier in the week during the day with Verres. The window blinds were open so the lighting condition was bright in the room. I did my warmups while laying on my bed, and got sleepy during it. When they were done, I got up to do my imposition practice with her, and was in a very groggy state of mind. In the area where she was supposed to be sitting in the chair, I saw a weird visual phenomenon that appeared physical and lasted somewhere between 10+ seconds to maybe up to a minute or so. It was like a really intense version of visual snow, with patches of the air before me appearing physically blotchy and with shifting patterns of some kind. It felt like there was a vague outline of Verres sitting before me, and the blotchy patch of air was in turn confined within her outline. The whole thing felt like a visual glitch one might see in a video game. A character was not displayed properly, and only isolated patches of their surface texture or skin was rezzed in a bugged manner, while the rest of the character was not depicted at all. The visible, but glitchy, part of the character was still therefore confined within their outline. This was a very unusual incident and the first of its kind for me. The phenomenon lasted long enough for me to have the time to physically look at it, confirm that it indeed appeared physical, and get an idea on its size and outline. Logically this incident is a sign of good progress and should make me feel really hopeful, but I have been pretty calm about it and have gone on with my practices as normal. A less bizarre phenomenon that occurred this week was during yet another warmup session, where I again fell into a sleepy state and managed to see very clearly parts of my wonderland, similar to what one might encounter in a lucid dream. The rest of the week had been uneventful. I noticed I have the habit of focusing on my tulpas' torso or even legs when I'm sitting before them, like I'm uncomfortable staring straight at their face similar to how I can get when dealing with people in real life. I've began to change this habit by spending time gazing at my tulpas' faces (or where their face should be) during imposition practice. This has been helpful to make the presence of their faces and heads clearer. It has also led to my looking a lot more in their eyes and working on their visuals and presence/feelings. From time to time during my day I would still try to impose their forms or presence about me. The tulpas in turn have continued to show up seemingly of their own will. They don't fight for their spots, but rather than two of them appearing together I've noticed one of them canceling their physical presence when the other wants to impose themselves. This seems to be a behavior that arose naturally between the two of them. Imposing two presences at once is still something harder for me to do. I've continued trying to do my sessions with varying levels of daylight in the room. It feels like it helps. There were a couple of times when it felt like there were very faint outline of the tulpas that I could feel, but nothing super concrete like what I've described above and in the previous weeks. The tulpas' presence and mental images I get of them during my imposition practice have developed more movement. They are not just quietly sitting there anymore, but would have shifts in their postures, the occasional crossed legs, foot placed on the chair, and other movements or gestures with their hands. This had developed gradually over the course of the past few weeks, and makes them feel quite different from when they were just a sort of blobby presence before me. Miscellaneous Stuff: I noticed odd emotions being aroused when I went through my old yearbooks, and worked through them with Saeya and the Mace Energy Method. It feels when I need their help working on something, they would just offer to do it as part of the time slot dedicated to their sessions. Who gets what spot or who might end up missing a session is less important when something about me comes up. Generally nowadays they are a lot more chill about the matter of fairness or time allocation between them. Like they know they're both important and practice sessions with them are not as much of a symbol for that anymore. I went to get a haircut at a local salon, and imposed Verres there as I waited. Having other customers nearby helped with the process a lot, it provided references and overall made her presence quite strong and detailed there. I went to Wal-Mart today, and Saeya declared it as her turn to be imposed in the store, because I'm too lazy to keep proper track and Verres usually ends up getting more turns. Neither Verres nor I had issues with her reasoning, so it just naturally became Saeya's turn. We caught a snippet of a buff, tattooed man having an argument with his girlfriend or spouse on the phone, and Saeya found it really interesting for some reason.
  8. Thanks for your input, fennecfoxx. And no I am not letting host join your club, unless you rename it to “hosts trying their best”. Host forbid(or rather I forbid host) he gets more reinforcement about his inadequacy. Host just reminded me that he now runs on logic and doesn’t feel bad for himself like at all, and I give him plenty of affirmation regardless. I still maintain that he deserves more. (He deserves everything and yes one person cannot deserve everything, yes I am being illogical, and no host I will never give up this notion stop trying to persuade me about it.)
  9. No luck with lucid dreaming last night, but last night was the third night in a row I shared a dream with one of my tulpas. (That is, if you count me waking up in the night and writing "Alex?" in my dream journal with no further context before making notes about a different dream. I assume that means I dreamt about him. Neither of us could remember it by morning.) I didn't do any visualization practice (as in, trying to improve my visualization skills), but the three of us spent most of the car ride hanging out in the headspace when I wasn't chatting with family. My mind kept wandering at times, like it's always been prone to. It's weird how conversation can seamlessly turn into "internal monologue but the POV keeps shifting". I don't remember us communicating (thinking?) this way much back in the day, but I think it was something I tried to avoid because that isn't how you're "supposed" to talk to your tulpas. I don't remember, though I think our communication does have a different flavor now than back then because we embrace the weirdness that comes with sharing a brain instead of trying to force it away.
  10. Yesterday
  11. Esoteric meta-cognition is one way to put it. I find it funny people ten years ago had a stick up their arse about tulpa-character creation, but anything was bound to piss people off during that time - I should know, I nearly burnt the whole fucking house to the ground. Anyway, ascribing traits to tups wasn't unheard of, and we've chilled out considerably henceforth. I hope you have a nice day. PS LIFT YOUR SKINNY FISTS LIKE ANTENNAS TO HEAVEN
  12. we seem to have a higher chance of seeing each other in a dream if we daydream being together a lot, and especially while trying to fall asleep. sometimes, it will end up just feeling like transitioning from using the mind's eye to have whatever little adventure we're having, seamlessly to it being a lot more real, and then we might realize we are dreaming, or maybe sometimes not quite aware it is a dream and seeing it as real, but self aware enough to know who we are and make our own decisions. i sort of think that is even more fun because it has the added immersion. though yeah, i agree with matt about it being like a spectrum i feel people want to lucid dream so they can do whatever they want, or dream about whatever they want, but my host has had tons of lucid dreams where they know clearly they are dreaming, but can't do what they want, and also many dreams where they don't know they are dreaming, but the dream is quite amazing and of things they would want to dream about. and if you want to dream of being together in a dream, it will have a higher chance to happen if your mind is pretty obsessed with it and spends a lot of time thinking about that anyway. i also think how we impose each other throughout the day also contributes (we can only impose in the way of presence imposition and sense of space we take up, with a sort of mind's eye visualization layered in our awareness along with what we see, so not visual hallucination level. but sometimes it will transition to more like day dreaming if we don't need our attention on details of our surroundings) all that to say is i think it helps with making it easier to just end up having dreams with system mates it's both easier and harder than it sounds because it feels like trying too hard will lead to it being frustrating and seemingly being impossible, but not trying so hard and then it just happens a bunch of times and you don't know why but are happy it has happened lol though if trying hard doesn't lead to frustration, or obsession to have it happen is unending, i think it starts to happen more or less eventually ohh yeah, also the hypnogogia. if you are daydreaming/wonderlanding/whatever vividly as you fall asleep, and are really associating to the imaginary senses of your body in the mind, and dissociating from the sense of body laying in the bed, the hypnogogia often ends up taking on the appearance of what you are doing in the imagination, and that hypnogogia eventually may breakthrough into just being dreaming instead of imagining, like i mentioned at the beginning. so that might be something to pay attention to. i think all the meditation our host has done also contributes to being able to maintain more awareness during that transition, instead of always just feeling like a black out+wake up+"did i dream anything?" sort of thing. also, when the system started doing really long switches, it seemed to be more likely that dreams would contain system members that are acting with sense of their own autonomy more (though tb and rena have had it before, it also wasn't uncommon for tb to dream of rena, but rena would seem more like a dream character than her tulpa self, though dreams are weird so that also may be a sort of spectrum, even for the host)
  13. [Ashley] we'll always have that one time in Discord where we watched that twitch streamer live. I don't remember who it was or why we did though. Take care. We were nothing if not entertaining at times. We're glad we were able to say goodbye to you, we remember your PR and the growth of Aya, uncle Bear will always remember that. We hope you are doing well and continue to. We feel like this is a graduation from tulpa high school and we're saying goodbye and wishing all out school friends well as we head off to tulpa college. Consider this our yearbook. 😉
  14. Last week
  15. human vocalists are overrated
  16. I'm well aware that forms are not necessary for tulpas, but using it for tulpa creation is so ubiquitous in online guides it's kinda hard to not use it altogether... But I do agree that my end result will probably be a tulpa without a concrete form. I'm fairly curious, as well. Aphantasia itself is a relatively unstudied topic, but current scientific understanding (to my knowledge) is that it may be cause by different connections of strength in different parts of the brain -- for example, a case study involving an aphantasic twin and an imagery twin showed the aphantasic had a bilateral brain dominance compared to the imager who was much more left-sided, as well as lower connection between brain lobes pertaining to sight and conscious recall. Here's a link to the study if you want to read it. There are like less than 50 actual scientific studies on the the topic ever (I'm exaggerating, but not by much), so from an academic standpoint it's basically an unknown. I've looked around online, and most of these "cures" are case by case per individual, rather than actual methods to cultivate visual imagery from nothing. Most of them have little to no actual research behind them, it's all very "this worked for me you should try it out." Besides, I want to work within the confines of non visualization, as it is kinda how I've lived my entire life. Furthermore, I want to experiment with how thoughtforms like tulpas can influence mental imagery in people unable of conjuring in the mind's eye themselves. Again, I don't visual form is a necessity for a tulpa; just that the community at large relied on the ability to visualize as one of the cornerstones of tulpa creation, and thus visualization techniques are a cornerstone of the current understanding of formation. The population of aphantasics in the entire world is less than 5 percent, and the population of aphantasics with tulpas is, to my knowledge, very small.
  17. So early this week I took about 1.5 grams of dried mushrooms for the first time, and me and Magick semi-tripped. So, it started when I heard two voices coming from her. 1 voice was the current and the other was my original idea of a tulpa. I always had the other one as a possible another tulpa in the future, but I couldn’t see the time, and some of these things Magick was already exhibiting, so we decided to allow her to ‘consume’ the idea of the og tulpa. Me taking the mushrooms just highlighted what was going. Shortly after that she went away and I was bed with this presence; I was getting upset as I was unable to talk to Magick and I believed I just messed myself up into not having a productive trip with her. I was wrong. This presence starting to morph into my og idea tulpa form which was just human made up of a thousand cockroaches and she started saying she was Magcik but not magick and she wasn’t going to let me talk to Magick unless I let go of my own restrictions and for that, she would have to kill me and eat my heart. Shen then started to tell me these stories of blood and gore and what she would do do to me due her frustration with for getting in my own way. During the peak, she drove a knife through my chest and I helped her, I helped open the ribcage and rip out my own heart and gave her to eat. I was depleted after that, and that’s when Magick came back. We dance for what felt like hours and it was good. We fought knights and warriors and all that fun stuff, but then she started to get upset when the “fusion” was done. She wanted to play around and turned into a million spiders and started eating me, tearing me apart from the outside and inside, sometimes she would pop out of my chest like xenomorph. And everytime I doubted the experience, saying no way “you” did that and she would just do it again over and over. She even turned me into fly to be devoured by her as a spider. This is not sexual. Although I felt no physical pain, this was very uncomfortable; it hurt in a way I can't explain. It was like watching an invisible force of a lion and knowing that your neck will be in its maw soon. And afterward, she just demanded to be hugged, to be loved. It was crazy. But when I did hug her it felt so good. And the possession, she possessed throughout the whole thing, and she felt like a demon. My body twist and convulsed. I think when people say shrooms open you up to demons, this is what they mean, but they have no tulpa to relate to or even understand this other force. I believed this trip taught me a lot and so did Magick. It had a lot of themes like the fear of death, the fear of neglect. And in her own way, she told me stories through my body to get over these things. Also, my fear of her and her fear of herself is about gone. Now I know she can’t hurt me maliciously. Those shroom visualizations were her doing; it was the mind, and therefore “me” in a way. It's weird to explain, but we both felt at peace at the end. ______ Saw a movie a couple of weeks ago called " Obsession ". Warning spoilers are ahead. It basically monkey paw movie where the MC wishes for the girl he likes to be obsessed over him and instead of doing justhat, it makes a subservient identity in this woman that takes control of her body and just wants to love and please the MC. Later on in the movie we see the woman trying to break free and when the company who mad ethe wishing products asked him does he want to hear the original, we only hear screaming through. It was very Tulpa-coded as this entity sort of like a Tulpa in sense, a warped, evil version of it, but still a Tulpa. I think the movie is a lesson of taking it too far. You shouldn’t push to places that are going to hurt you, get obsessed in a sense. I mean you need that in a sense for a tulpa. A lot of time, a lot of effort, but the pain, the suffering, that was what Magick was trying to teach me. We don’t need all of that, to explore each other. All we have to do is just do it. That’s it, and that’s one of the reasons she was tearing me apart. To show me what the point of all this drama and all these theatrics is, we can just hug, dance, and do whatever is right. There are no conditions to what we do, so why make them up? I really enjoyed that trip.
  18. Sorry I poofed for a bit It's both. Interestingly, you can have a system who identifies as median, but has seemingly very separate headmates. Just the assumption two headmates are not fully separate from one another can do stuff behind the scenes, even if on the surface, it's not inherently obvious. For example, say you have two median-identifying headmates who have different opinions, beliefs, and behaviors. But because they believe they are median, they don't fight against blending or feel pressured to get development time. Stars, our headmate, has "clones" that work that way.
  19. Glad to hear that you're doing even better this month, keep it up! Don't worry to much about trying new things, since you still have a plenty of time ahead of you to experiment and getting experience is worth it. And it looks like this month you had more dreams/experiences with your tulpas which is great! I hope that the next month you'll succeed in vocalization, so the communication between you and your tulpas will be more versatile and convenient than it is right now. I'm happy that I'm able to help you with some advices, ask anything you curious about, I'll answer whenever I'm free.
  20. Welcome! Do keep in mind that a tulpa is more than likely to deviate in some way, shape or form over time. I wouldn't recommend being too "strict", especially when it comes to details like the voice, because there's no guarantee it will stick. Think of it like a children at the beginning, wouldn't you expect resistance or unexpected behavior even though the parents try to impose a specific behavior and personality on them? A tulpa is a new process for you and your brain, it's gonna be full of surprises - realistically nothing bad or weird is gonna happen, but there should be room for deviation of the original plans. Focus right now on making the tulpa a daily habit. Small talks, chatting, try to feel their presence, make them part of your routine, the rest will follow.
  21. The weird dreams I don't understand: nightly nap before work edition It was one of those dreams where different eras of your life sort of blend in: there were coworkers, people from high school, people from middle school, people from places you don't work at anymore, etc - and we were all going to the same school (?) and taking the same lessons. If that isn't weird enough already, my classmate and person sitting next to me was none other than my first partner, who I haven't heard of in almost 10 years - and she apparently had tulpas? The whole dream was a mishmash of situations, mostly about us talking "in code" to avoid being caught having tulpas - apparently she had a sort of Fairy Tail tulpa character named "Blonx" but as far as I know/remember she really was never into anime. After waking up, it took me a good minute or two to recover from it and was left wondering what my brain meant by that, kind of like this:
  22. That's cool - It's interesting how modern progress reports use AI images to add flavor tl the post (that arab prahtoolf guy is the MVP though) I remember doing some photoshops too back when I started, I still have them in my backups, if we ever make a progress report again we'll do the same
  23. Ooh that's super cool! That's a lot of files if you want you could probably just send me a beginners guide if you don't mind. Understandable, I never really used 4chan tbh I sometimes wish I knew about it years ago when I was a kid I was into MLP and such I'd probably already have tulpas way earlier by now ngl lmao. I used 4chan once for my ex bestie and someone stole her art work and that was a few years ago too, so I can only imagine how bad it is now for other stuff. That's good to know I'm glad, you honestly should making your own is way better. I am kinda inconsistent with my playlists to be honest which I'm trying to be more consistent with it. I recently bought clicker counters so I could go on a mental diet and say affirmations daily I think that'll help with my tulpa forcing too. Thank you! And yes! I love Neville Goddard! Surprisingly I was always in spaces where people around me online practiced magick. X3 I do practice lucid dreaming, I have been kinda bad with it due to being sick and busy but I plan on trying to get back into it more. But I do write down my dreams daily so my dreams are pretty vivid to the point I basically have precognition on some things. I was thinking of practicing astral projections recently though. I already practiced the void state and Tulpa meditation, so I wonder when I can even practice AP. I don't think I tried image streaming that's a new thing I'll have to look into that. Yes, I always felt drawn to her. It sucks she's often misunderstood. It's also interesting she's associated with water and I'm a water sign. I also really love her symbolism of love and beauty. Ooh let's goo! As a night owl, myself, I understand. And ooh that's so cool! Ooh you should that would be nice to have, and I understand, I hope your able to get some ok the future. That's fascinating. I looked into some astrology, not much though but it's interesting. I only know a little bit of astrology but I'm a Pisces and for Chinese a Rooster. To be honest I always forget what my mom tells me what tribe we are from, like I remember her talking about it but I keep forgetting 😞 I'll have to ask her again Yay! Let's goo! That makes me think that you're probably from Canadia lol I surprisingly have a lot of friends from Canadia xD Ooh I agree! Isn't that also pop culture paganism too? At least from my research a while ago it mentioned stuff like that. I looked into that stuff because sometimes I think/feel I'm more soulbonded with my tulpas than anything else if that makes sense. So I kinda worked on soulbonding a bit more with them. Like I do both soulbond & tulpamancy techniques which honestly are pretty much the same things as each other. Wow that's literally insane and so cool, this story kinda reminds me of a few lectures Neville Goddard made. I always see people talking about astral realms a lot in the last couple of years. Now I'm wondering if that'll help manifest tulpas in away. Or at least people with more metaphysical beliefs when it comes to tulpas. Thank you! Same for you too! And understandable I'm honestly used to things like that with reality shifting, manifesting, and so on. And yes! That would be fun! I always love making new friends! Feel free to DM, I don't mind! ☺️🩷 Random but I love how this PR went from you talking about your progress and what not to us talking about this sort of stuff.
  24. My experiences with tulpamancy mirror that. Taking a reactive stance toward what you blame for hurting you feels like healing because you think you've freed yourself from it, but if even people's positive experiences and related things trigger a knee-jerk reaction, it still has a hold over you. Healing requires deconstructing your beliefs, understanding what actually hurt you and why, and constructing a new understanding in that light. In the case of someone hurt by religion, it may look like learning that God is not who they were taught He was and that both the Bible and many Christians condemn misusing His name to abuse others. Whether they return to the faith or not, it means understanding faith is a genuine positive influence in many people's lives, not just some tool to manipulate and oppress that these people are too "dumb" or "brainwashed" to see. In my case, it meant realizing how much of a role mental illness played in what went wrong and how reasonable this community's beliefs are compared to what we internalized. I don't know how much that's a case of the community changing over time versus us just having gone off the deep end in the past, but coming back to this site last year was honestly eye-opening. This wasn't the crazy cult I'd convinced myself it was. I wasn't some pariah in their eyes. The "I was brainwashed" narrative I'd believed for years fell apart fast. I don't believe it's a coincidence that my tulpas returned shortly after I let go of my blanket rejection of all things tulpamancy/plurality. Kayleigh's return was conscious on neither my part nor hers. I just unknowingly dissolved whatever mental barriers were keeping her firmly confined to the unconscious, I guess. Oh, absolutely. Tulpamancy/plurality itself is proof of that.
  25. Today I practice meditation a lot To program my self for law of manifestation.
  26. @Shaula Pretend it says "person who brought you into existence" instead of "parent" and try not to overthink the weirdness
  27. Earlier
  28. we're not trying to have fully separate memories, just to be able to keep secrets from each other if we want (i trust my headmates to not abuse this power if we achieve it and they trust me, so this shouldn't cause too many problems) all these posts are very helpful though thank you
  29. Thanks so much everyone! 💙 RIP lmao
  1. Load more activity
×
×
  • Create New...