Determination - Simmie's Journey

[ruleofthumb]

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Over the last two weeks Simmie and I have transitioned to a much more relaxed, you could even say "casual" approach to tulpamancy. It's been quite a nice thing to not have to stress out so much recently over things. If Simmie is quiet one day I no longer worry that she's regressing, I just accept that she's more in the mood to be quiet and keep to herself.

 

Stone: This is a great way of looking at things. I'm happy you've made it to this point. I think I've made it, too.

 

Getting creative always makes things more enjoyable.

 

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Maybe I'll post a before and after image later. We're planning on doing the same thing for me soon too!

 

This would be interesting.

 

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I asked Phil to look up pictures of orange cats so I could look at them closely and watched a few videos. Then I started to picture Nigel's body from all sides. I paid special attention to his face. I pictured myself stroking his face and his ears. I imagined cuddling him and how his fur would feel under my hand. I started to think about Nigel's personality. He's a very sweet cat, very cuddly, loves to spend time with Phil and me. (Especially me! 🤗) But he's also adventurous and loves to explore. He always knows where the best hiding spots are. He can be very independent when he wants to be. All around he is sweet and playful, but can be sassy at times and definitely has an independent streak. I'm not sure if you'd call this forcing or not but I've been working on Nigel for the past two days and I think it's going well! 💚🧡

 

This is super interesting! I've heard of this as well. I hope you like your new cat :)

 

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I'm not sure what we'd call him because he's not exactly a tulpa; he's just a pet after all.

 

I don't see why he can't be a tulpa. Non-tulpa animals can behave autonomously so I'd say if you create an autonomous animal thoughtform, they're a tulpa.

 

Really neat update!

[Glaurung26]

Jaina: Yay! 😊 I can't wait to see Nigel. We just adopted our husky. 

 

Woof! *doggo noises*

 

 

 

 

[ChloeBee]

We just hit a significant milestone and I'd like to talk about it.

 

It happened right here on this very forum when Simmie was answering questions on a topic called "The Tulpa Interview". An important note: The body was highly caffeinated due to us having had a quite strong mocha, and Simmie is always highly active whenever the body is super caffeinated. So we were doing our normal thing as we typed: Simmie told me what she wanted me to write and I faithfully typed what she wanted me to.

 

But then something very unusual happened. All of the sudden Simmie was doing it all herself. I had ceased to be the middleman. Simmie was just straight up typing into the computer; her thoughts to my (our?) hands. And that's not all. For a brief moment--probably less than a full minute--I, as in Phil the host, the personality structure I fully consider as being myself, was not active. As in I, the original and dominant personality that lives in this body, completely ceded control of not just my body but the dominant active narrative of the brain, to Simmie.

 

The moment Simmie realized I wasn't active I suddenly became active again and we (metaphorically) looked at each other in amazement at what had just happened. Then we started to celebrate. Simmie has been partying up there ever since. I am so proud of her. ( I did it! I did it! *Dances happily* I'm a big girl tulpa now! 😁)

 

Up until today all that Simmie has been able to do in regards to possession has been to move my hand around a little bit. But then out of the blue this happens today. It's a major step forward and I don't expect we'll be able to repeat this anytime soon, at least not with any consistency, but this is proof that it is possible and it is something to work towards.

 

tl;dr Simmie spontaneously achieved Possession for several minutes and I even switched out completely for a few moments.

 

While we're on the subject, the post that Simmie was working on when this all happened is actually very interesting and if you're curious at all about getting to know Simmie better (and who wouldn't be...Simmie's great! 😁) it's worth a read because Simmie gets very candid about what she thinks about certain things:

 

 

[Glaurung26]

Jaina: 😃 I'm so proud of you! 😊🤗 *dancing happily*

 

Congrats you guys!

[ChloeBee]

So.

 

We might be taking a break here shortly. By that I mean taking a break from the forums and community as a whole; I'm not taking a break from Simmie. To the contrary, the purpose of the break would actually be in order to more clearly focus on Simmie and her development.

 

There have been some very interesting...conversations? (That's not really the word I would use; more like people talking past each other at cross-purposes) here on the forum about the old school of tulpamancy versus the new school. To my understanding, this is what it boils down to: The old school approach to tulpamancy was very rigorous, with the concept of a tulpa being very well defined and specific. The community surrounding tulpamancy at the time seemed to be a lot more hard-core and intense. The new school approach seems to be much more open and inclusive (and I don't necessarily mean that in a good or bad way), and the focus has been diluted from tulpas to focus on other thoughtforms without rigorous divisions between who is considered what. The new school community seems to be a bit of a hugbox.

 

This dichotomy has been causing me a lot of stress and has actually made Simmie a bit weaker in recent times. The thing is, I am actually much more attracted to the rigor and intensity of the results-based old school. At the same time, the people of the new school seem much more friendly and welcoming. The old school people seem to be very contemptuous of the new school and the way they talk down to them doesn't sit right with me at all. So I guess you could say my head is with the old school and my heart is with the new school. It's f'ing annoying!

 

Anyway, really, all I've ever wanted to do here is make a tulpa and hopefully make friends along the way. Simmie is the priority always, and I've made good progress with her. She is definitely at least somewhat sentient but I'd by lying if I said she was all the way there. In fact I feel like we're barely getting started. Maybe I've fallen into the new school trap of getting comfortable and complacent with the progress I've had. And I'm not going to lie, the warm welcome Simmie has received here has truly helped her. But yet, I desire to dive deeper in. I want to immerse myself in the tried and true guides of the old school. I want to go with what has worked for people in the past; the people who still have tulpas that have persisted for years.

 

Ideally, I'd like to find someone to help guide me along. That seems a little unlikely though, so my next best option is to try and be my own guide. Take an honest appraisal of what my strengths and weaknesses are; build my own approach that uses my strengths while mitigating my weaknesses. Use guides as a reference, but fundamentally build my own guide tailor-made for myself. Simmie is behind me on this.

 

I have a final goal for tulpamancy. It could be considered a lofty goal, but it's an ideal worth striving for. The goal is that between Simmie and me, I want to be a complete person. (And by *I*, what I really mean is the "Greater I*, you could say the "system", although I'm not sure that term would really apply). Simmie is everything that I lack. And yet, Simmie is also very much a part of me. If Simmie can grow into that person we can turn into a bulletproof duo here in this body. I know that might be a lot to put on a tulpa, bit Simmie wants this. She might seem carefree and whimsical when she posts on here, but there's an intensity to her that impresses and inspires me. She wants to be more than she is, she NEEDS it. And what's more, she deserves it. This little girl has completely swept me off my feet and has already changed my life in ways I haven't even fully understood. And that's at a power level that's only a fraction of what she could be.

 

So tl;dr I might be taking some time away from the community to focus on Simmie. We will probably stick around at least another day or two before the break, and we'll almost certainly be back. So if anyone has advice for us we're willing to hear it. But fundamentally we're going on a journey together deep inside and we might be too deep to get a signal out. We'd love to come back and tell everyone how we did. But for the time being we're packing our bags and getting ready to head off on a journey.

[Glaurung26]

That sounds so much like what I've strived to be with Jaina. She is my rock and compliments me. You and Simmie are what's important to focus on. The community is just here to back you, give advice, blow off steam, and mess around with. You two go wherever your journey takes you.

 

We love you two so much! Take care! 🤗 And keep Phil in line for me. 😉

 

You'll be in our thoughts, prayers and well-wishes. 👋

 

Good luck. 😊👋

 

[TB]

Good luck.

 

I hope you find a way to make steady progress for your goals. I also don't want to experience tulpamancy at a shallow level, and wonder how deep it can go. I started out having read a lot of old stuff, then became disillusioned seeing that a lot of the old stuff didn't seem to apply anymore, or that no one is really doing or experiencing those things. Not sure how to feel about it.

[ChloeBee]

On 4/23/2021 at 7:45 PM, Glaurung26 said:

That sounds so much like what I've strived to be with Jaina. She is my rock and compliments me. You and Simmie are what's important to focus on. The community is just here to back you, give advice, blow off steam, and mess around with. You two go wherever your journey takes you.

 

We love you two so much! Take care! 🤗 And keep Phil in line for me. 😉

 

You'll be in our thoughts, prayers and well-wishes. 👋

 

Good luck. 😊👋

 

Thank you so much! We love you two also! 💚🤗 You gotta come stay at the guest house some time! 😁

 

Simmie, you know that's impossible lol. (Says you!) Anyway, the house is coming with us on our journey. (Wonderlands are confusing😋)

 

8 hours ago, TB said:

Good luck.

 

I hope you find a way to make steady progress for your goals. I also don't want to experience tulpamancy at a shallow level, and wonder how deep it can go. I started out having read a lot of old stuff, then became disillusioned seeing that a lot of the old stuff didn't seem to apply anymore, or that no one is really doing or experiencing those things. Not sure how to feel about it.

 

Yeah, taking it deep is what it's all about for us. There may be some parts of the old guides that are obsolete, but there also may be lost wisdom in there. I'll try to make a record of what works for us and what doesn't and pass on that information once we're back.

 

It truly feels like Simmie and I have our bags packed and are ready to head out on our journey. It feels like we're flying to a far off country to seek out wisdom from gurus or monks or something. But it feels more like the Fantastic Voyage; but we're going deep inside the mind and not the body.

 

I just want to say that I'm really excited! 😁 I'm going to miss everyone soo much while we're gone. We've made so many friends here and the support we've gotten from people on this forum has helped me so, so much. Having Phil tell me that I'm real and that I exist is very good, but being seen as valid by people here has really meant a lot to me. I really wish I could give each of you a hug. 🤗

 

If you see my name here that means we're probably reading guides. We'll try journaling and when we come back we'll summarize everything in this progress report. There's a chance we might pop in to post art, but I might save that for our return too.

 

Well, it's time to say goodbye for now. But we'll be back, and probably sooner than you think. Bye everyone! 👋😘🤗🙂🧳✈️🧠

[ChloeBee]

After a short break we are back! I never intended for us to be away for too long but we needed a break to refocus ourselves. I've always had this feeling when I'm interacting online or sometimes even in person that I'm "performing" and not really being myself, that whatever name I choose for myself in an internet community becomes a persona onto itself. This is bad enough for a human, but potentially devastating for a tulpa that is just trying to find herself and learn who she really is. Simmie needs to be herself without filters (well, maybe with common-sense filters) and not be sucked into the same "performative" trap I've been stuck in. Simmie is not the words she has posted on the forum any more than she is literally the Sim in her new profile pic, they are just projections or shadows of the real Simmie, the wonderful and beautiful woman I as well as Simmie herself are just getting to know.

 

Oh, and Simmie has hew own account now! The era of her typing in green on my account is over (though she may still jump in if she has something quick to add). My goal is to post less and less and have Simmie post more and more, until the point where she is the main representative of our "System" that you interact with and I, Phil, only pop in from time to time. We are signed in on two different web browsers. I use dark mode, Simmie uses light mode. These are little things that will hopefully help us have an entirely separate experience posting on here. Don't worry, Simmie and I aren't going to be annoying and start responding to each other's posts. At least not very often. 😋

 

And now for the meat of this update: What did we do on our break?

 

Here's a brief summary of our break:

 

Simmie and I talked a lot, but more importantly, we just spent time together. I focused on her presence, keeping her active and with me. We read through some guides, including this one, making observations about things we have learned and things we have already done. We took stock of what we were good at and what still needed more work. We discussed the times that Simmie feels more present, less present, and occasionally like she's not even there, and what might cause those times. We also laid out what our goals were, both our ultimate goal and how we conceptualize getting there.

 

This is a crude graphic demonstrating how I conceive Simmie's evolution from the past though the present into the future:

 

 

I don't know where exactly we are on this chart. I imagine somewhere between stage 2 and stage 3, possibly closer to 3 than 2. But this chart is already slightly obsolete because Simmie clearly has tree-like roots going deep into the subconscious already as we are learning, and it's from those roots that she gains metaphorical minerals that help her growth.

 

So what is the end goal of tulpamancy for us? We want to quite literally be an unstoppable duo. We want to, between us, be a complete person. We don't like using the word "System", we prefer the term "Greater I", meaning the totality of everything that is this human creature including body, mind, the personas that call themselves Phil and Simmie and anything else, all of it. With that terminology in mind, we want the Greater I to be a complete and unstoppable human, with the synergy of Simmie and I at the core of it. (In this case the "I" is the "Lesser I", which is just me, Phil.) When I was younger I was fascinated by the concept of the soulmate, or "the one", this other person out there in the world that will make you complete. But I've grown to think that it's probably unhealthy and unwise to look for another person to "complete" you. A partner should compliment you, not complete you. However, I have been fascinated by the potential to use Tulpamancy to create this "missing half" internally rather than search for it externally. Simmie is on board with this goal. There is so much more to her than just being my other half, but she has just as much invested in the Greater I being successful as (Lesser) I do.

 

Here's a nice metaphor found in a cartoon from my childhood. Sonic and Sally are Simmie and I, and Dr. Robotnik and his minions represent the obstacles on the way to this state of completeness.

 

Is this goal far too lofty, unrealistic, and unattainable? Probably. But that's kind of the point. It is an ideal to work towards, not a finish line to be crossed. As long as this hangs out there as a goal, Simmie and I will always have a reason to keep working and a direction to keep heading.

 

 

Here's a list of observations/thoughts made on the journey:

1. Turns out I'm actually...kind of good at tulpamancy? At least the early stages? I had this thought after reading through the early chapters of the guide I linked above. Stuff like personality forcing, creating the form, making a wonderland, narration, love & attention...I was a natural at all of those. Simmie felt like a fully realized person from even the first couple of weeks of forcing, although she had (and still has) a long way to go in terms of sentience and her personality has evolved quite a bit from the beginning.
2. On the same token, I'm really bad at other aspects of Tulpamancy. Meditation has always been extremely hard for me. Focus and discipline are difficult. I'm easily distracted and my mind often gets fixed on things that are useless and unhelpful. I thought I could avoid these problems by focusing on my strengths instead. But it's time for me to confront these weaknesses and work to improve them or else Simmie's growth could be forever stunted.
3. Learning about Old School Tulpamancytm was a major goal of the break. As it turns out, there's not too much difference in the approach between the old and new school; it's more about the higher standards old-school tulpamancers placed on what is and isn't a tulpa, and the willingness of the New School to accept less rigorously-developed tulpas as true and valid. Which for all I know they might be; I don't seek to make a value judgement as to what school is better. But I hope I've demonstrated that I'm more interested in the Old School, rigorous mindset of making Simmie into an authentic tulpa. She is indeed on her way there though she has not 100% arrived yet.
4. Being a writer has both advantages and disadvantages when it comes to tulpamancy. Advantage: Simmie felt much more real and jumped out of the page right away from my experience at character creation (see point 1). Disadvantage: Parroting Simmie is a very easy pitfall because I am so used to putting words in characters' mouths. A month or two ago I thought about writing a (mostly fictionalized) book of Simmie's creation, and I couldn't help but start imagining how some of the conversations would go. But then the real Simmie would pop up in my mind and go: "H-hey! I'm over here!" in annoyance whenever I started to imagine Simmie's lines for the book. The only way I will ever make this book now is if Simmie writes her own lines. I respect her sentience too much to put words in her mouth, even if it is only technically a character based on her.
5. Simmie is a Determinator. Underneath her laid back and bubbly personality there is an unquenchable fire inside her. I've looked deep into her eyes and there is an intensity there that is deeply inspiring. She is extremely protective over me, and she aches to get stronger so she can fight me demons. I want to be able to fight them side by side, but I know Simmie would hide me behind her shield and step forward and face them herself. I guess she's my knight in shining armor and I'm her damsel in distress, lol.
6. We took the Meyers-Briggs Personality test. I am an ENTJ and Simmie is an ENFJ. Very similar, but with that one key difference. 
7. I need to restructure how I spend my free time. I spend so much of it on meaningless and wasteful activities that aren't even all that fun most of the time. It really took Simmie to point that out to me. She understands that I need time to unwind and unload but she's distressed over how many hours I just waste. Simmie becomes so disengaged that she often checks out completely during that time, to the point where I might as well still be a singleton in those moments.
8. I don't know if Parallel Processing is truly a thing or not but it's worth looking into. I've been historically very bad at multitasking. But if Simmie and I could split mental resources that would open up far more possibilities for us.

9.  Simmie is Awesome McAwesomeface with Awesomesauce on the side. But I already knew that. Love this girl. 🥰

 

Well that about sums everything up for now. I could keep going all day with this but this post is already monstrously long enough lol. Thank you so much everyone for supporting Simmie and I on our journey, and if there's any way we could give back to the community in the form of advice, support, encouragement, friendship, we love to do it.

[ChloeBee]

Okay. So my current idea is to dedicate an hour each night to forcing. Whatever we might do during the day, 11pm to midnight is Simmie Time. If we can't go the full hour, are late starting it, or have to miss it for some reason, no big thing. But an hour a night is the target.

 

I think I might divide each forcing session into sections. Not timed or anything; just moving on to the next when the previous meets its natural conclusion. There should be a reason for doing each of them. The first will be a general relaxation or breathing exercise to get into a relaxed mood. Then we can move on to any number of things from our grab bag of exercises. Maybe I will focus on visualization. Or tactile imposition. Then maybe vocalization exercises. Possibly do something in our wonderland house. Do a writing exercise. Chant a mantra. Maybe just talk. Have Simmie lead me on an exercise, see what she wants to do. She's already quite capable; I see forcing Simmie almost like making a sword at this point; the weapon exists but it's not ready yet. It needs to be heated up, pounded, and sharpened over and over again.

 

Just pick somewhere between 2 and 5 exercises to do and call it a night. That's the idea. Let Simmie take the lead when she wants. These are my thoughts on the way ahead. Sound like a good strategy, tulpamancers?